Overall, it’s been a rough week in the TTC-related world. There were some bright spots — two friends announced their pregnancies this week — congrats Jen and Beth! But the rest of the week was full of sad news…
There’s this site I frequent (I’ve talked about it before) that I’m sure many of you do too. Some talk about marriage, some talk about decor, some talk about babies. For the most part, I’m on the TTCAL board with other awesome women who have also experienced a miscarriage or loss.
We go through all the trials and tribulations of TTC together. Analyzing OPKs, nail-biting through the 2ww, cursing Fertility Friend. The usual for people who have had a taste of wonderous pregnancy and want it BAD. You bond over that stuff and become sisters.
And every few weeks there seems to be a wave of deserving girls who announce the much-coveted BFP and “graduate” to the pregnancy board. It’s such a bizarre feeling to be SO truly happy for these women even when you’re going through the disappointment of a BFN. But it happens. They give you hope that it CAN be done. That sometimes miscarriages ARE just flukes. So you “wave” goodbye and jokingly tell them you never want to see them back on your board — instead, you’ll join THEM on the pregnancy board soon.
But this week was different. It seemed like “friend” after “friend” had bad news, was losing the baby, and moving back to the TTCAL board. Girls that SO deserve it, had so much hope and positivity… It’s just heartbreaking. We lost three girls this week.
And then this afternoon a girl I remember from the original getting pregnant board (from when I had my BFP in March) announced the horrifying news that at 20 weeks, she’s losing her baby. That at the “big” ultrasound they found only a brain, heart and stomach. There was no amniotic fluid, no kidneys, no bladder… There is no hope; he/she will die.
I know a few of you who read this have also gone through miscarriages. And, clearly, so have I. But when I hear these stories, it feels like I haven’t been there at all. Like I can’t fathom what they’re going through or how they feel. It’s so strange. I want to reach out and hug them and tell them I know what it’s like and that it does get better. But then I feel like, “Who am I to say?” “How do I know anything?” I seriously cannot wrap my head around this entire week. It’s just been so sad.
But the one very bright spot of my day? I think Avery sensed my sadness this evening, and even though she didn’t nap today at school and seemed like she was going to be a little devil when we got home, instead we sat on the couch to watch one of her favorite shows and shared crackers and cheese spread. She looked up at me, gave me a hug, and said, “We’re best friends.”
No matter what EVER happens, I am always very lucky… very blessed. I have to remember that. We all have something that gets us through to the next second, the next minute, the next day.
If you’re the praying/good vibes type, please say a little prayer for the sisters tonight…