{sarah exley photography}

baby natalie | cedarburg wi newborn photographer

2012-01-23T21:44:00.001-06:00

When I got word that the very first {SEP} baby of 2012 had FINALLY arrived, I was SO excited! Not only had Troy and Kerry decided to be surprised at the birth, but baby was runnin' a bit late! So I finally got to visit their beautiful baby girl this past weekend, and ohmygosh was she SO sweet.

Let me just say, I know it's kind of silly, but I still get butterflies before every session. The excitement of meeting new people, the humbling feeling of being welcomed into their personal space and their lives, documenting that special time... That moment where I'm walking up to a family's door, I feel like I might explode lol.

So when Troy and their little man opened the door, I knew this was gonna be good stuff. ;)

"Hi! I'm Eliott!"

And then I promptly melted into a pile of goo. :) Seriously, the most adorable almost-3-year-old. And SO in love with his baby sister. {He kept asking me "What are you doing with my baby?" and then proceeded to be my "assistant" the entire rest of the shoot - he had the very important job of holding my lens cap and schlepping blankets when necessary. Of course, that was all after he gave me a tour of the house lol! Too cute.}

Big brother and "his" baby.
Squishy cheeks!

Aaaaaand my favorite shot {Well, they all are kinda, but I just can't resist her smooshy cheeks and how she looks like she's thinking, "Geez you guys, being 9 days old is rough!"}
LOVED this session.

Thanks Troy and Kerry for being so laid back and for rolling with the poo-splosions {Kerry, you are FAST, girl!}. And Eliott, you can be my assistant anytime. :)

best face photo from 2011 {i heart faces}

2012-01-10T18:58:00.000-06:00

Back in April 2011, I got super busy with all the birthday madness in the household and totally forgot to post a photo of this major milestone: Gavin's first haircut!

If you're new to my blog, you'll have to head back to some old posts and check out the Fabio-ness of Gavin's former hair. It was dark, glossy, luxurious and loooong. Like, to the point of either needing to cut it or start sending him to daycare with a barrette. The hubs chose to cut it. ;)

I guess a lot doesn't change in a year... In Gavin's world, as long as you've got food, he's your pal. And therefore, the clippers proved victorious.

due date 01.01.12 | milwaukee, wi maternity photographer

2012-01-09T22:38:00.001-06:00

When Christina contacted me for maternity photographs, I started by going through the usual "spiel," until we got to the record-scratching moment: She was 37 weeks. Yipes!

Since plenty of women go early (especially with their second child - I went at 37 weeks with Gavin), I knew we needed to do her session, like, yesterday. So we made it work and squeezed it in.

So here's the deal. Not only was Christina totally glowing {and no way would I have ever guessed she was 37 weeks!}, but that wall of windows really set the stage. I normally am so drawn to warm, colorful images, but as I was editing these I couldn't help but be drawn to the black and whites. Classic beauty.

Can you believe we were outside for about half the session... in December... in Wisconsin?! Craziness. Such an adorable family.

And big brother... are you kidding me with that amazing hair and those eyes?! Yowza.

Oh, and that light fixture? I might have been a little obsessed. A little. :)

Another black and white? I don't mind if I do! I absolutely adore this one. He just wanted to snuggle with his mama.

Thanks for an amazing session, C family! So much fun. :)

52 fridays {project 52} | milwaukee, wi photographer

2012-01-06T22:47:00.003-06:00

I have no business even starting another Project 52 when I failed so miserably last year {pretty sure I only made it to week 11...oopsadoozle!}, but what the heck. I thought I'd give it another try. {And yes, I made that executive decision tonight. :)}

Week 1 | 52: Avery was supposed to be getting ready for bed but somehow go too emersed in watching golf to be bothered with putting on her PJs. So instead of harrassing her to get dressed for the 800th time, I pulled out the camera and snapped a few shots. It was almost 8 p.m., so obviously pitch black plus one lamp equals lots of grain. Which I love. :)

50mm | f2.8 | 1/13 | ISO 1600

oh, hello there | milwaukee, wi photographer

2012-01-01T21:10:00.000-06:00

There is no way it's possible that I haven't blogged in, oh, almost two months. Nope. No way. I don't believe. Lalalalalalalala. See? If we all just pretend it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, right? Well, that's how things seem to work in the world of a 5-year-old, so I thought I'd give it a shot too. :)

I'm sorry. ("Did you hear that? He said he's sorry!" We may have watched The Grinch about 850 times in the last month...) Life's crazy. Good crazy (for the most part - minus the pink eye I've had for 9 days thanks to Gavin on Christmas Eve and a million other little annoyances like that). Photography has been super busy and steady, which is amazing and makes me SO happy. And life at home has been interesting with the holidays, a full-on living room renovation (that we're doing 100% ourselves and includes ripping down walls, jackhammering a heinous rock-wall fireplace and installing built in cabinets and bookshelves - OYVEY!) and the two kids (one of which we just finished up something called "neuropsych testing" with, and the other... well, the other is 20 months old. Enough said.).

But I just wanna say that while I've totally stunk up the place in the 'ol blogging department, I've managed to stay pretty up to date with session info and sneak peeks on my Facebook page. So feel free to "like" my page. BUT, I'm gonna start blogging my sessions HERE and posting the link on my Facebook page going forward (duh... like I should've been doing all along). Praise the Lord for New Years resolutions! ;)

Anyway, since blog posts without pictures are totally lame, I thought I'd include some of the photos I took from my family's Christmas card session back in October. (Yes, the first weekend in October lol.)

Something I feel SUPER passionate about is that everyone should have images of themselves and their families that they adore. Life is SO nuts and crazy - it's so easy to lose track of life and get caught up in the little things. To take even an hour to kick back, relax, and just be in the moment with your awesome family - to have a moment to actually SEE how awesome and fun they are - who doesn't need that?! I almost cried when I got home and uploaded the photos.

Because I saw this face.

And this face.

I would be absolutely full of you-know-what if I said my children were angels for this session. In fact, the second we got there, Avery said she was freezing and wanted to get back in the car. And Gavin would NOT stop climbing the ladder I brought. Um... yeah. But we made it fun and we totally made it work.

Heck, even I got in on the action! Do you know how long it's been since I've been in a photo with the kids - one that I like?!

Heart = gooey mess.

It was SO what I needed. What we needed. And I got some shots that I am so in love with. Because they remind me - in the midst of all the total chaos - that we've got a whole bunch of love in our tiny, crazy family.

With that, Happy New Year, friends! And see ya soon - pinky promise. :)

Craftastic Monday

2011-11-07T20:34:00.000-06:00

Ok, so normally I hate Mondays. {duh} And the Monday after a time change? Um, yeah, craptastic. {Seriously, not only did my children not get the memo to sleep an extra hour, one was up twice last night, and the other woke up at, like, 4:30... next time she does that, I'm sending her to work for me and I'LL sleep!}

Anyway, thanks to my dear, sweet beloved Pinterest, I have a whole new, craftastic outlook on the day. ;)

Seriously though, I just got home from JoAnn Fabrics where I spent 90 minutes and $40 on felt. Yes, folks, FELT. Cuz I'm gonna make this...

{source}

Amazeballs, yes?!

I lurve it. However, as much as I really, really, REALLY wanted to buy the same beautiful mustard felt she used, I knew it just wouldn't go with our house. Sad face. {Our house is tan and brown, and instead of the mustard looking rich and modern, it just would've looked really 70s.}

So instead, I found some gorgeous "sandalwood" felt. And instead of the taffeta and doiley flowers she used, I'm going to make red, green and tan felt rosettes. It's gonna be so cute! {fingers crossed}

Also, quick note, the $40 wasn't JUST the felt. I also bought three straw wreaths to make the wreaths {again, duh}, straight pins, pearl pins for the rosettes, and additional felt for another craft Avery and I are going to make for teacher gifts {more on that another day}.

Squee! I love decorating for the holidays! There just might be, like, a dozen wreaths all over my home this year... :)

Anyone else making something awesome they found on Pinterest? I'm always looking for more ideas {as long as they're ridiculously simple, of course...}.

baby lily | milwaukee newborn photographer

2011-10-27T20:02:00.000-05:00

Um, so I think it's safe to say that I'm pretty obsessed with newborns. I love love LOVE newborn sessions. Even though they take about THREE times as long as a regular session - not to mention, typically WAY more editing time due to jaundice, etc. - I can't get enough.

I mean, we are absolutely, 100% DONE, so it's nice to still have the chance to snuggle with these tiny things and, you know, sniff their heads. {Does anyone else do this, or am I just that weird? Seriously though, how is it that these little poopatrons can smell so delicious??}

Anyway, without further ado, here's the latest peanut. Introducing baby Lily {and her big sister, Charlotte, who you may remember from this family session back in June}. She was awesome - slept for almost 2.5 hours straight and only peed once on one of my blankets! In my world, that is massively successful. Also, speaking of successful, I have yet to be pooped on. I'm three for three! But I know it's coming. I just know...lol

And Charlotte is just about the cutest big sister ever. The second I walked in the door, she immediately had to tell me her baby sister's name... and when it was time to hold her, she was ecstatic. {And then? She said, "All done. Where's my sucker?" LOL! Love it.}

{P.S. If you have any friends who are expecting babies this fall/winter, please send them my way! Not that I don't love the other littles and families... but newbies have a special place in my heart. :) Thank you!}

Too much {a random stream-of-conscious post}

2011-10-20T21:01:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it feels like it's all too much. Do you ever feel that way?

As the mom of a special needs child, there have been a lot of times when people have said to me, "Wow, I don't know how you do it" or something along those lines. I usually say, "What choice do I have?" Or "What mom wouldn't do anything and everything for her child?" Kind of like, "Duh!" And I've pretty much always plugged along. Because, again, what's the alternative?

But this past week has been rough. I feel like I'm not handling it as well as I usually do. It's not one big thing, but sometimes it's like all the little things add up to so much more, you know?

So, last week, we found out Avery was getting "pushed around" at school. {The hubs says it might be a little extreme to say "bullied;" I on the other hand think it's a very fine line and either way something physical is happening to her so symantics really don't matter here, but I digress.} Let me back up...

For the past few weeks, Avery had been acting up BIG TIME. Like, out of control outbursts that literally seemed to come out of nowhere. Gavin would touch something in her room, and it would result in screaming, flailing on the ground, and tons of tears. Now, I know my child can be dramatic {where does she get that?!}, but this seemed beyond what is normal for 5 year olds. We thought maybe she was just adjusting to the newness of school, but it had been over six weeks. Finally, last Monday night, hubs and I sat on the couch exhausted from the latest screaming match during bedtime. I said, "I'm worried about her. I think something might be wrong." Hubs, who normally calms my too-quick-to-jump-to-conclusions self and said, "I agree." That freaked me out more than the idea of something actually being wrong.

With Gavin's 18-month appointment coming up that Friday, I decided I would talk to the pediatrician about this... fully expecting the conversation to revolve around the fact that Avery was probably having seizures that were affecing her behavior, and we'd have to start new rounds of testing. Sucks.

But then, on Wednesday night, hubs was working late and Gavin went to bed early, so Avery and I had some very rare 1-on-1 time. I asked about school, how she liked it, what her favorite things were that day... and then I asked, "So is everyone at school nice?" She sort of hesitated. So I added, "Or are some people mean?" That's when she told me some kids were mean... and sometimes hit her. It took everything in me not to cry in front of my child.

Who would HIT her?! And how could that happen at school?? In KINDERGARTEN?! I was LIVID.

Turns out two boys in 2nd grade where pushing her around on the playground and at the before and after school program. And one boy in her class was actually hitting her.

Now, this is where the hubs thinks it's possible that maybe he's just "messing with her." Because this kid apparently sat right next to her at the same table. Sure, he's not getting a solid right hook in, but again, does it matter? And these older boys at recess, maybe they're just playing rough and she "gets in the way." But when did it ever become okay to NOT keep your hands to yourself? Don't teachers AND parents still teach that?

Also, I know I'm not making this into something more than it is because Avery's been having nightmares for the past week or two too. I'm sorry, but if your subconscious is so upset that you wake up crying, say you're too sick to go to school the next day, suddenly request a nightlight in your room, and constantly fight to get your parents to let you sleep in their bed, there's something more serious than "rough housing" going on. Am I right?

So I spent most of last week visiting the principal, the teacher, the before and after school program leaders, their bosses... I mean, it just went on forever. I still was trading emails with everyone this week to sort things out. {This was all while I was sick with an ear infection, a sinus infection and bronchitis. Total fun.}

The worst part? The principal says this isn't an isolated case. They are having bullying problems across the Kindergarten grade. Again, KINDERGARTEN! What happened to playing with clay and taking naps? Things have seriously changed and it makes me so sad.

And on top of all that... Avery's good friend (and fellow stroke survivor) was admitted to the hospital yesterday for a planned three-day EEG. His seizure meds haven't been working (they've tried two or three different meds) and they just finally needed to get in there and see if they could pinpoint exactly where the seizures were coming from (this would help them get him on meds that would more definitely work). Only, he was sent home today. After one day. Because they discovered that a part of his brain is more damaged than the doctors had ever thought {so much more than meds could've ever addressed}, and he will now need surgery to remove that damaged part.

A 5 year old. Brain surgery.

I am so scared for him. For them. I cry just typing this. It's just not fair. It's too much.

I guess I just feel like this week and last week have been tough reminders that sometimes kids can't just be kids. Sometimes, too quickly, they are faced with things that only adults should have to manage. And it's hard when you realize you can't protect them from everything.

five years later | madison wisconsin family photographer

2011-10-12T19:52:00.000-05:00

So, yes, this session took place back in August. And, yes, I fully understand that it's October.

Clearly, I'm a little behind in blogging. {But if you "like" me on Facebook, then you already saw these images. And then, technically, that means I'm not so far behind, right? Let's just go with that, mmkay? Mmkay.}

Even if you have seen the photos on Facebook, you haven't heard the story of the session. So here goes.

J is my kind of gal. She clearly knows what she wants and goes for it. Because when I gave the slightest hint here on the blog that I was "officially" doing photography, she contacted me saying she wanted to book a session. Only, she was in Madison. And I don't go to Madison. At least, I didn't think I did. ;)

So when I regretfully declined, I gave her the name of a photographer friend in Madison and figured that was it. But she called back and said that photographer was booked, and several others weren't getting back to her. I felt bad. I mean, she just wanted what every mother wants -- some nice family photos and some shots of her daughter who was turning 1. I mean, why should it be so hard, right? So I said yes. I'd come to Madison and do the session.

And you know what? It was totally awesome. I'm SO glad she twisted my arm. ;)

Not only did we get some beautiful shots that Jackie says she loves, but hello, I got two total hours to myself in the car! Amen!

I listened to whatever I wanted on the radio. I had some much needed time alone with my thoughts. And just enjoyed some peace and quiet. No one threw books at my head as I drove. No one screamed "He won't give me my sunglasses!" or "Mooooooom! He just snapped my sunglasses in half!" Just me, the road, and some sweet, sweet peace and quiet.
Well, and some shots of this adorable fam, of course.

The coolest thing about this session? J and K got married here five years ago. That image of S walking while holding on to her parents' hands? EXACTLY where J and K said 'I do.'

::swoon::

a touch of sun :: i heart faces

2011-09-20T20:06:00.002-05:00

Since I have been pretty much obsessed with light in my past few sessions {I'm slowly starting to panic at the thought of ::gasp:: WINTER}, I thought this week's I Heart Faces challenge was perfect. The theme? "A Touch of Sun."

This image just might be one of my all time favorites so far. I haven't had a chance to blog about it yet, but watch for the session story soon. Until then, soak up the yummy, golden sun!

P.S. How happy does this mama look with her little girl? Nothin' better in my book. :)

It's official

2011-09-01T20:04:00.001-05:00

She survived her first day of Kindergarten! (And so did I.)

Avery couldn't wait to get to school. We started off by making french toast with strawberries and chocolate milk. YUM.

Then it was time for the chosen outfit. Oh, the outfit. :) She helped pick it out last weekend when we went shopping. And last night we made a quick trip to Target to check out their shoe selection. She spotted this fierce pair and declared them "giraffe-like," so she had to have them (even though they were a full size too big). Ah well, you pick your battles, right? Then it was time for one last shot before we all piled into the car for the official playground send-off.

To be honest, it was a bit chaotic. You'd think since they do this every year, the school would be a bit more organized. But, it was just mayhem -- kids running everywhere, no one sure of where to stand... yikes. So I think that freaked her out a little. After about 10 minutes of letting the kids run wild, they called them all to line up. I helped her get in line, but she wouldn't let go of my hand. Honestly, she was practically ripping my arm off. :( I just kept telling her how proud I was of her and how exciting this adventure was going to be. She looked up at me and asked, "And you'll be right behind me?"

Dagger, meet my heart. Ugh.

That's when the tears started welling up in my eyes. Then the bell rang, and they started marching in. I squeezed her hand, and that was it. She didn't even look back. :)

I sat at home with Gavin watching the clock, did a ton of laundry, edited photos, and FINALLY it was time to go pick up my girl! Again, mass chaos, but finally I found her in the crowd and scooped her up. According to her, she had a good day but was too tired for too many questions lol.

I wish I'd had a camera for pick-up though... somewhere along the way, she managed to lose her new headband, spilled strawberry milk on her white shirt at lunch (which I totally anticipated and therefore sent a spare shirt in her backpack which she of course did not change into), and was wearing her jean skirt backwards. Ha! Whoops. Oh, and when I asked her how she managed the bathroom (this was a major concern of mine because all the bathrooms there have the toilet paper on the right which is a bit of a problem for someone with right hemi), she admitted that it went "fine" because she DIDN'T GO ALL DAY! OMG, I would've exploded! Back to elastic pants and tennies tomorrow for some added confidence. No more of the fancy stuff.

The end. :)

The one where Avery leaves for college

2011-08-31T20:49:00.000-05:00

No? Just Kindergarten? Oh, my mistake. It just feels like she's leaving for college. You know, because she keeps.growing.up.so.dang.fast. Gah!

You know that scene in Father of the Bride {my all time favorite, favorite, favorite movie -- seriously, I am BEYOND annoying because I recite all the lines before they actually happen. sorry, but it's a genetic malfunction or something. I have no control}... anyway, that scene at the beginning where Annie tells her parents she's met a guy in Rome and she's getting married? And, of course, all George can see is this tiny little Kindergartener with pigtails saying, "Daddy, I met a boy, and he's brilliant and we're getting maaaaaaried."

THAT'S what this all feels like. Like, "Come again? You're going where? You're how old?" Pretty soon she'll be calling me Sarah and asking me to buy her tampons.

Seriously, when did she grow up into this beautiful, smart, amazing young lady?
Even though it hurts my heart to see her growing up so fast, my heart's also bursting for a million good reasons. I know tons of parents go through crazy emotions as this big day approaches. But for us, just four years ago we weren't sure she'd go to Kindergarten... If she'd even walk or talk... It almost sounds overly dramatic now, but it was so painfully real not too long ago.
I tear up just thinking of how far she's come since those days. I know she'll still have struggles, of course. And I am a bit of a nervous wreck about her being thrust into a massive group of kids tomorrow. {Is it ok to also admit that I'm kinda nervous about all the homework? Meaning that I may not understand it and then feel eternally stupid? lol} But she is an amazing child who is determined as hell, holds her own, and is smart, happy and sassy like her mama. :)
I couldn't be more proud of this child, and I am so incredibly proud to be her mom.

P.S. I'll be the one crying hysterically like an absolute lunatic at school tomorrow. But at least I have good reason -- my kid is awesome. :)

Lessons in patience at Wally World

2011-08-26T19:33:00.001-05:00

What is wrong with people? No, seriously.

Remember when people were nice to each other? When they were even somewhat respectful, smiled at each other or at least said excuse me or sorry? Yeah, I hardly do either.

But tonight at Walmart {where I haven't shopped in about a year and now I completely remember why -- also it was my last ever trip there}, was the final straw for me. I am starting to wonder about the human race.

Ryan is at the Brewers/Cubs game tonight, so I was on my own with the two littles. Like I said, I haven't been to Walmart in a year or so, but when Target was out of some of the school supplies on Avery's list, we had no choice but to head over there last night. So of course, we somehow got some wrong items and I decided I should return them. (For the record, it would've been worth eating the $2.50 if it meant not stepping foot in that vile place. In fact, now I'd say it would've been worth, oh, up to $50.)

Anyway, so we returned the items, but then I remembered Gavin was out of milk, which of course lead to us needing eggs, texas toast, waffles, lunch meat, fruit snacks and a stop at their Subway inside the store. Great. Oh, and then I had to stop for wine, too (again, after this experience I'm so glad I picked some up because I SO will be partaking in that activity tonight).

We stayed on the sidewalk close to the store until we got to the row we'd parked in. I looked around to see there were no cars, and crossed at the stop sign. I'm pushing this 20-year-old snot bucket of a cart that refuses to go in the right direction while Gavin keeps kicking up my skirt and I try desperately to hold on to Avery as I see a car coming straight at us (head on). I stop to figure out where she's going, and realize she wants to park in the handicapped spot we're walking through (it was a very bizarre spot to begin with, as they wanted the car to park in width-wise instead of straight or on an angle). Anyway, I steered the cart over as much as I could and tried to squeeze between her car and the other parked car that she was about 6 inches from hitting.

As I walk past her passenger's window, I hear her say, "F****** b****, get outta the way!"

Now, OMG, I do not like Walmart and most of their customers anyway. It's pretty much always a test of patience to make it out of there without losing my mind (or my cool). But in front of my kids -- one of whom is absolutely old enough to hear and understand what you just said?! Are you kidding me?!

It took ALL I HAD not to lose it right there. But I've been thinking a lot lately about how I need to be a good example to Avery and how she takes in everything that comes out of my mouth (even things that don't actually make their way out of my mouth; my attitude and sarcasm is totally on her radar). But I had to say something. It's about respect, ya know?!

So I stopped, looked right at her and said, "Watch your mouth. It's totally inappropriate and there are children here. THANK YOU." And kept walking.

Then I heard her yell, "Shut the f*** up!" Nice, right? Quality people, I tell ya.

Although I know Avery absolutely heard the woman, I know she didn't understand what was saying. But as we were walking to our car, she said, "What was that about?" I said, "Some people have dirty mouths and disgusting things come out of them. Usually, they need to go to church more." lol

We got our stuff in the car, got the kids buckled in, and as we're leaving, I sat at a stop sign for about five minutes waiting for traffic that appeared to be going straight, but you know, of COURSE they were actually turning. GAH! I can't stand when people don't toss on a blinker! How hard is it, people? Again, no respect for anyone else.

I said, "Avery, that is the LAST time we're ever going to Walmart. Ever." She said, "Why?" I said, "I just can't shop at a place where people don't respect one another."

She said, "Mommy, Target's way better anyway."

How smart is my kid?! ;)

P.S. I won't deny that there was a small part of me that thought I might get shot after mouthing off to that woman. That would've sucked.

P.P.S. I probably need to just shut my mouth in those situations. But I think it's the fiery Irish lass in me who's just bursting to get out. :)

What I did this summer {June} - part 2

2011-08-23T21:03:00.000-05:00

June totally flew by {although I'm not exactly sure how that's different from any of the other months, but you know}.
Other than photo sessions, two things seemed to completely dominate our lives all through June. Soccer was one of them.

And the playset from hell was the other.:)

First off, please note the baby eyeing up the power tools directly in front of him. Awesome Parenting Award over here please! Oddly enough we all walked away from this project with our limbs intact. Shocking, I know.

Also? This "weekend project" took us three solid days (like, dawn-to-dusk days) and several additional weekends. OMG, never again. Seriously, does anyone else have one of these things? Did your marriage survive putting it together? Cuz there were a few moments I was a wee bit concerned... ;)

But, in the end I'd say it was worth it because it's pretty much the only thing the kids can both play on for hours TOGETHER without clawing each others' eyes out. Priceless.

But the absolute best part about that project was Grammy taking an afternoon to teach Avery her secret strawberry jam recipe. OMG, it's the best thing you'll ever taste. Seriously, do I ever exaggerate?? ;) And now my sweet girl is a pro at making it. Happy mama!

Somewhere in the midst of all that was the newborn session as well as a family session with the most gorgeous little redhead you've ever seen. Seriously. :)

What I Did This Summer {June}

2011-08-03T21:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, so obviously my "news" is that I finally took the plunge and have real photography clients. Like, real people besides my friends and family who like my photography enough to pay me to capture their lives. {My children THANK these people from the bottom of their tiny camera-hating hearts. Seriously.}

But really, it's been super exciting and I'm so glad I got the kick in the pants I needed. I'm still getting the ball rolling (how many figures of speech can I use in 30 seconds?) with the website, marketing pieces, etc., but I'm well on my way. And, honestly, had I waited to launch until I got all my ducks in a row (that's four if you're keeping track) I'd be 85 years old and completely unable to even click the shutter with my mangled arthritic fingers. So I figured now's as good a time as any, right? {I'll be doing another post on what exactly gave me that push, and my brutally honest thoughts on getting out there, so watch for that soon if you want the deets.}

Anyhoo, my first session in June was with the beautiful three-day-old Miss Chloe. I have never seen a baby with such beautiful skin! Daddy's gonna be beating the boys away with a stick! Not only was she gorgeous, but she was so, so mellow -- totally content just snuggling away with her mama.

Once I got my own snugglefest, we got down to the adorableness.

What I Did This Summer {May}

2011-07-18T22:19:00.001-05:00

So, yeah, hi there! I haven't blogged in about three months. Clearly. That's CRAY. ZEE. So, so, SO unlike me. I don't think I've ever gone that long without writing. It's always been my way of venting {good or bad} and sharing {mostly over-sharing, but ya know...}. Oddly enough though, my time away was insanely therapeutic. And I found God. Kidding. Although I did read "A Place of Yes," and let me just say, it was pretty much awesome and just might have given me the kick in the pants I've desperately needed. Let me explain {to the .2 people who are actually still checking this sad blog}.

For awhile, blogging had sort of lost its lustre. For one, I started feeling pressure to post. And that, in itself, became a bit complicated. I don't think it's any surprise that while this blog is called "Baby {stroke} Steps," I haven't exactly posted anything stroke related in, oh, forever. Second, when I did finally post, it was pretty much about family or photography, so then I'd feel like a sham because nobody's coming her for photography/baby stuff -- they're coming for stroke survival stories! {Honestly though, I don't think anyone's come here for that in a looooong time.} But then I'd feel bad. Bad for you. Bad for me. Bad. Who needs that kind of pressure?! ;)

Clearly, it was time for a break. {"We were on a break!"} And some wine. And, heading into summer, I knew it was probably good timing for a break anyway, since it was 'bout to get crazy busy. {When you live in a state that has eight straight months of winter, your summers tend to get pretty jam-packed full of pure awesomeness.}

So, just in case anyone's in the least bit interested in my whereabouts these past three months {again, the .2 readers are probably my parents -- hi there! -- who, since they live nearby, know exactly what I've been up to and therefore this post is completely pointless}, here's a quick rundown in the oh-so-appropriate "What I did this summer" style. And yes, I realize there's still plenty of summer left, but I'm already starting to think "back to school" since we'll be buying school supplies in probably two weeks or so. You know, for our BABY to start KINDERGARTEN. {You may be sensing some apprehension on my end. And you may be completely correct. And I may or may not be breathing through a paper bag at the mere thought.}

Okay, moving on then...

For my birthday this year {May}, Ryan pushed me to take a weekend in Chicago. Away from the kids. For a photography workshop. With celeb photog Me Ra Koh. {Um, she's friends with Oprah and Nate.}

I. Die.

It was amazing. I stayed at Hotel Palomar. Right in the middle of our old stomping grounds. There was a bottle of wine and bouquet of flowers waiting for me in the room from the hubs. And another bottle was delivered the next day from our friends as a thank you for taking their baby's newborn pictures. Clearly, my friends and family know the way to my heart. (And isn't this little guy adorable?! He was 5 days old here.)

Anyway, the workshop was great. Although the weather sucked {it literally poured almost the entire time -- specifically during our sessions with the models -- which explains the grain/noise in a lot of the photos...i need a camera that can handle high ISOs!} and I didn't really learn a ton of new things {although, learning that I've actually been doing things right this whole time was pretty monumental}, I made some amazing new friends AND I gained a buttload of confidence. Which, ironically, was the name of the workshop. :) So I guess it was a win!

Here are a few of my favorites from that adventure. {And, I promise, more news to come... so stay tuned!}

Dear Mother Nature...

2011-05-15T13:06:00.002-05:00

As I write this post, I have the neck part of my turtleneck sweater pulled up over my mouth up to my nose and I can barely type with these half frozen finger nubs. Why, you ask? BECAUSE IT'S 40 GODDAMN DEGREES OUT RIGHT NOW. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Ahmahgawd, I am so cold. And more than that, I am so friggin sick of being cold. More than that? So absofreakinlutely sick of even uttering the words "I'm cold." That one day of warmth and sunshine back in early April that caused us silly should've-known-better Wisconsinites to haul out our patio furniture and drain the gas out of the snowlblowers? Clearly jinxed the entire rest of the spring/summer, because ever since we did that it's been like 30 degrees. And rainy. Or cloudy. Or windy. Or more rainy. After EIGHT months of flannel sheets, I'm one cough away from needing to be institutionalized.

I mentioned in my last post that I was gonna lament about some innocent yet crappy comment someone made about Avery's hand and ask for advice, etc. But then I got all caught up and distracted when the weather decided to stop sucking one day this week and instead be 80 degrees and sunny. We spent the entire evening outside -- Gavin learned to walk (squee! cutest thing ever!), we played basketball in the driveway, blew bubbles (and one of "us" tried in vain to eat the bubble wand) and had our first cookout of the season complete with steaks, hot dogs, corn on the cob, fresh pineapple and cold beers...

I kinda forgot that I was even upset about anything. Until this weekend. When the weather went back to "normal" and we were stuck watching Avery play soccer in the middle of a hurricane. (Pee wee soccer is serious stuff -- it was practically sleeting sideways and they didn't call the game until they realized the kids were nearly blowing away.) Gavin had four layers on and I had to bust out the mittens for his poor sausage fingers. It took a good hot soak for Avery and Gavin to thaw. (And, well, I was just happy to get point-two seconds to change into somewhat dryer clothes before the kids had meltdowns or decided to jump into the tub themselves -- moms get the short end of the stick on those occassions for sure.)

And today, after church we wanted to check out a few nurseries -- we're looking for a very small flowering, non-crapapple tree for our front yard. Of course, as we're trudging through the half-frozen mud and leaning into the 45-degree wind at an equal 45-degree angle following some bumbling idiot who's answer no matter what I said or asked was "How about a Maple?" or "I could sell ya a Crabapple!" (clearly, nowhere near what we're actually looking for per my "very small, flowering, non-crabapple tree" request), I'm pretty sure the kids got a touch of frostbite. In May. Mid-May.

So, dear sweet Mother Nature, could you please, please, please stop being such a ho bag and let spring arrive already?? We're two weeks away from it being JUNE, the blessed month of summer, and I still have the heat on (full force).

P.S. Even though many of my neighbors speak like they're Canadians, we in fact, do NOT live in Canada. So if you could reajust the weather appropriately, I'd appreciate it.

Kisses,
Sarah

Random randomness

2011-05-01T20:21:00.092-05:00

I realize that I completely suck at blogging lately. One minute I say I'm back, the next I'm MIA for half a month.

But seriously, things have just been crazy. Well, crazier than the usual level of craziness.

Like, first? Um, blogger is all different. Different, as in, unrecognizable. Anyone else use blogger and completely lost with this new dashboard too? Oy. This'll take me months to figure out...

There was also that whole second round of the flu that dropped ass on our household. After a few days of me mocking R for being a wuss (and a few gawd-you're-such-a-baby-how-bad-can-it-really-be?!'s), karma reared her bitchy ass and spread the love to me. And, let me tell you, she was not messing around. This second round was nowhere near like the first one. (You'd think that was a good thing, but no, it was equally as sucky, if not magically worse than the first.)

I'll keep the gory details to a minimum, but let's just say there were 8 straight hours of barfing - a few of those hours I'm pretty sure it was pure stomach lining every single 15 minutes on the dot. Good times, people! Hate, hate, hate winter.

Luckily, the funk hit us the weekend between Gavin's and Avery's birthdays, so we were all on the mend by the time the big birthday bash came.

And, oh, what a birthday bash. It was a blast. We decided to do a Pump It Up party for Avery and all her pals, and I cannot say enough how awesome it was. Those inflatable bounce houses are the bomb. And the kids had fun too. (Seriously, what adult doesn't want to burn off some frustration bouncing around like an idiot and knocking people in the head with giant puffy Q-Tips? Amazeballs.)

I'd share pictures of all the awesomeness, but I didn't take any. Seriously. I made a pact with myself and promised no photo obsessing allowed. And I'm proud to say, I listened to myself and followed through. Self, well done. Thank you, self. :) Plenty of other family members documented all the fun and decor, and for that I am eternally grateful. I got to sit back, enjoy the festivities and ::gasp!:: be IN a few of the pictures with my birthday boy and girl. Doesn't get much better than that.

Other than all that, Avery's started soccer on the weekends (which, bless her soul, she LOVES but it is a true test of patience for her dear mother...) and we are doing a million projects around the house (still haven't fully finished Avery's new big girl room, finally finished Gavin's now that we need to get rid of the changing table and replace it with something (anyone have ideas?), will be putting in a gigantor playset for the kids in the backyard and I am TERRIFIED at how much of a timesuck that'll be putting together), and a zillion other things. And speaking of timesuck, there was that "event" where some guy married some girl, and it required me to be glued to the TV for, oh, approximately 72 hours...

On a slightly more Debbie Downer note, I have a mommy drama/dilemma/situation I could use help with, so I hope the one or two of you still reading this ridiculously random poor excuse for a blog will come back later this week to give me your advice. :)

The one where he turned one.

2011-04-14T19:27:00.004-05:00

We just finished reading "On the Night You Were Born" and gave Gavin about 10 million kisses before putting him to bed tonight.

I know I've said it every month for probably the last 6 months, but I can.not believe how fast this year went.

This time exactly one year ago we were packing our bags and heading to the hospital three weeks early for a quick "get him out" delivery. And now, as I type this, I can hear him in the next room, jumping around in his crib, "talking" to his Ugly Jeero, and occasionally saying "mama" (I heard him mumbling it in his sleep the other night and I pretty much melted into a giant pile o' goo).

It's hard to believe that he's gone from this snoozy little mohawked peanut...

To this crazy, silly fauxhawked Elvis impersonator.

I had so much fun taking his 1-year pictures the other evening. I love that he's still at the age where there's no sass, no lip, just kissable, pinchable cheeks...

And jelly bean piggies...

And squishy fingers...

It all goes so fast.

Before you know it, they're off to college. Or the gym.

"Hey ladies. Do you know where the weight room is? That way?" lol

Happy birthday, muffin man! It's hard to remember our lives without you in it. Even though this year's flown by, it feels like you've been in our hearts for a lifetime. We love you!

11 months old

2011-04-03T21:42:00.002-05:00

Well, he's officially almost one. As in, mere weeks away. This is the last monthly picture before his first birthday.

HOLY CRAP.

I've had this post started for two weeks now, and I just can't seem to pull myself together and finish it. I guess, subconciously it'll get us to his first birthday faster. Ugh... seriously, how is my little critter going to be ONE already??

Ok, I'm determined to get this done before I start tearing up... and before I procrastinate any more...

This wound up being another huge month for G. I kid you not, in one weekend, he got his first haircut {YES, we cut the mop full of beautiful, soft, baby fuzz}, his first tooth {FINALLY!} and he took his first steps {three different times that day}. And yes, this actually happened AFTER his 11 month birthday, but whatever. It's technically still IN his 11th month, right? Anyway...

He's getting SO big. All of these milestones are definitely reminders that he's about to turn one, but the biggest thing is just his sheer size. When I snuggle him at bedtime and he puts his head on my shoulder, I cannot believe how far his legs hang down! It's like I'm holding Avery! I've gotten so used to watching him crawl -- from above he looks so compact and bulldog-ish. But, man, when he took those first steps the other day and when I catch him cruising around the house, his height and size is alarming. {He's in 18-24 month clothes and when I weighed him at home the other day, it said 28 lbs -- can that be right?!}

We also started him on whole milk this month. He took to it pretty well, and is now taking bottles of half breast milk, half whole milk. Aside from making sure he still gets enough iron and vitamins {cuz let's face it, I'm not the world's greatest cook and would prefer to eat out every day if I could}, he eats almost 100% table food. And this boy likes everything {duh}. His latest favorite? Lasagna. Which has earned him the appropriate nickname, Garfield. I sometimes worry that he's eating too much {he has NEVER turned food away}, but with him being days away from walking full-time, I think he'll burn those calories right off.

In addition to his new "'do" making him the topic of every old lady conversation at Target/Starbucks/the grocery store, he babbles up a storm which is pretty much the cutest thing ever. He says dada, mama, baba, nana, makes a "kuh" sound and a million noises like raspberries and growls. Loooooots of growling. In public. It's pretty awesome. I'm a little concerned that he's doing damage to his vocal chords or something. I guess we can stratch off "Future Glee star" from his list of Ways to Help Mom and Dad Retire at 40... Oh, and he's waving now! It's probably my favorite new trick. When he waves, he sort of ways backwards to himself. And it's not the lame arm-flappy thing; it's the adorable chunkamunk pudge-o fingers squeezing open and closed. He also does "high five," is giving kisses {albeit giant, open mouth kisses}. Let's use the word adorable one more time, shall we? :)

The one thing that still hasn't happened is the sign language. We've been working on the basics ever since he first sat in the highchair, so I'm a little bummed that he's yet to use any signs {and his ability to mimic is perfectly apparent at the dinner table when Avery gets him on a roll screaming, squealing, barking...}. But I equate it to the monkeys at the zoo who are like, "WTH is with these stupid people staring at us and scratching their armpits??" And yet, everytime he grunts or growls for more food, I continue to {for the eight millionth time} correct him and say, "Gavin, sign 'more...please...mama.'" He's probably like, "Sure, lady. Whatever. Gimme the food. Get in ma belly! Nom, nom, nom." If nothing else, I've gotta get points for my persistence and patience, right?

As for his schedule, he sleeps 12-14 hours each night, naps once or twice a day, and eats about every four hours (three or four bottles a day and table food... lots of table food). We're pretty loosey goosey when it comes to his schedule. I used the phrase "laid back" to describe him the day he was born, and it's absolutely stuck. He sleeps when he's tired (he fell asleep in the stroller while I was shopping the other day), eats when he's hungry... plain and simple. He continues to be our go-with-the-flow little man. :) And the final thing I want to remember 20 years from now is his love of the song, "Itsy Bitsy Spider." No matter if he's sad, mad, scared, over-tired... that is the one and only thing that immediately puts a smile on his face. Well, that and fake sneezes. Those are ALWAYS good for a giggle.

And with that, I'm officially done documenting Gavin's first year. It is completely insane to me that it's over. My second and last baby will be a toddler in two short weeks. And while I'm a little sad about that -- we'll never use those teeny 4-oz bottles anymore or buy those doll-sized newborn diapers that smell like baby powder... that everything we pack away now {tiny bottles, baby spoons, swaddle blankets, socks the size of my pinky} will be gone for good instead of into storage containers -- I feel like we're not only about to celebrate Gavin's first birthday, but also a new chapter as a family. Ryan looked at me yesterday and said, "I'm really excited about what's next -- this next stage is my favorite. The walking, talking, exploring... he's really turning into his own person."

Totally. But don't think that means I won't soak in every freaking last second of those bedtime snugglefests before he turns into a crazed tantrumy toddler...

Happy Birthday, Big Guy!

{project 52} - catch-up edition

2011-03-27T13:18:00.000-05:00

{02.27.11 | he loves standing at the bay window and watching the cars go by; i love soaking in his tiny-ness...finger dimples are the best}

{03.05.11 | this little piggy ... love that you can still see his giant belly laugh in the background}

{03.13.11 | stuck inside while sissy plays outside}

{03.20.11 | glowing | my friend, j, at 28 weeks}

Turning a frown upside down, Sarah style

2011-03-21T19:59:00.001-05:00

You know how when things are going really bad, there's that one thing that seems to pop up out of nowhere and mercilessly pull you out of that funk? Yeah, you could say that sort of happened today...

P.S. I realize that I've been gone for awhile. And that's very unlike me. And that I should have some wild and crazy story about how I met Oprah and now we're besties and I've been so busy traveling to the moon with her and shouting "And YOU get a car! And YOU get a car!" that I haven't time to blog. But, um, yeah no. And, no, nothing horrible's happened either. Just the usual stuff like I got a promotion/new job, Ryan had knee surgery, Gavin's starting the terrible twos a year early and we signed up Avery for Kindergarten.

But the main thing that kept me quiet was the "anniversary" of Avery's stroke diagnosis. I always get a little down this time of year, but it really snuck up on me this year. And right as I thought I was pulling out of the funk, I got an email from Avery's OT today that upset me. Not because she wasn't right about things, but because it really hurts to see things in black and white when it's your child. When you see all the good things -- just how awesome, happy, smart and caring she is; it's easy to miss the "deficiencies." But, damn this email really slapped it all back in my face.

Avery is 90-100% independent with her self-help skills for dressing/undressing, toileting, hand washing and eating finger foods and with utensils. Cutting using a knife and fork has not been addressed but she may need assist for this. They have not had to open milk cartons or snack packages at her preschool, therefore she may need to work on this. She does have some assistance and accommodations due to her increased muscle tone in her right hand/shoulder, especially for engaging zippers and when cutting out shapes. I am not sure if she will be able to carry her lunch tray using her right hand as an assist but we can start checking on this. She may need a clipboard to hold her papers for drawing, coloring and writing for stabilizing when her hand and arm are tight. She wears a soft thumb splint that keeps her thumb positioned and increases her awareness somewhat, however, it gets tight with effort/full acts. As far as her writing ability at a kindergarten level, I would like to keep her on for the transition to make sure she is able to keep up or if she may need any kind of additional support, modifications or assistive technology.

Knife, meet heart.

We're gearing up for her 504 plan annual meeting in April. At last year's meeting they told me to prepare for NO therapy at all going into Kindergarten because she was doing so well and probably wouldn't qualify. So to go from that to this was a little upsetting. I know in the end, it's best that she get the maximum amount of attention and therapy to do her very best in school and in life... and I never thought we'd every stop therapies all together... I've always recognized this was a life-long journey we'd be on. But, yeah, I was thrown.

So fast-forward through the rest of my day.

First meeting of the day. No big deal.

Then another meeting, which ends up getting canceled since no one really showed up. Sweet.

Lunch wasn't half bad today. Awesome.

Do a quick pump session before another meeting. Whatever.

Have my first one-on-one client meeting for my new role. I'm trying to be uber professional, ask the right questions, act interested and understanding yet knowledgeable. Jot notes here, add smart comments there. Nicely done!

Head off to my next meeting three buildings over. Run into a bunch of people I work with on the way. Good, great.

Have conversations with co-workers back at my desk, finish work after a few hours and head home.

Get home, go to change my clothes, take off my cute, springy Banana Republic cardi that I just sort of tossed over my also-cute, springy button-down.

Go to unbutton aforementioned cute, springy button-down only to realize IT'S ALREADY UNBUTTONED.

Not just the top one. Not just the top one and the second one. No, no, my friends. The top THREE buttons.

We're talking a Johnny Weir skate-a-thon near-belly button baring situation. Like, so far open that my bra and boobays were practically hanging out. DURING my client meeting. DURING my walk through THREE buildings at work. DURING my "hey how are ya" waves in the hallway and good ol' cubie chit chat.

Dear sweet Lord, take me now. Mor. Ti. Fied. But on the bright side? I forgot all about how shitty that therapy email made me. So, yay?

Watch out blog world, Sarah's back! And she rarely button her shirts. Holla!

I stand corrected

2011-02-27T20:21:00.001-06:00

Five is apparently the magic number for the start of the birthday party madness. The bigger/better/louder/creativer birthday party insanity. It has officially begun. And, OMG, it's insane.

So far this winter we've been to five birthday parties for Avery's school friends, and they've ALL been completely different. I mean, God forbid you have the same theme at the same party place as Billy. ::gasp::

No, there was a party at a kids club complete with clowns {i nearly cried} and face painters, a gymnastics club complete with personal instructors, an indoor funland complete with like 20 bouncehouses and carnival games, a bowling alley with bumper bowling and mind-defening music, and an indoor pool party {complete with awkward encounters with half-naked parents you'll see at school the next day -- I mean, really, who the hell thought that'd be a good birthday party idea?!}

All along I've been like, "Whatever happened to having kids over to your house to play pin the tail on the donkey? Whatever happened to making your child's cake from scratch? Whatever happened to getting kids hopped up on cake and ice cream and then handing them back over to their parents?" Rookies!

Yeah. That was until we started planning Avery's party. {cue dramatic music here}

Um... where the hell am I going to put 15 kids since we can't count on being outside in April? And, oh yeah, where the hell am I going to put the parents of those 15 kids {because, seriously, there is nothing I hate more than parents who drop their kids off at parties like it's a free babysitting service -- really, WTH}?

I mean, we could be talking 50 people in our house! And when all these people are running around our house, eating Sams Club-loads of food and spilling Sams Club-loads of fruit punch all over our white carpet, who will be watching Baby Houidini who seems to disappear down the hall and into his sister's room every 30 seconds to personally destroy every.single.thing she loves?

It seriously gives me a panic attack just thinking about it.

Know what else I think? Those mothers who've planned the crazy parties at these over-the-top venues with the {gasp!} store bought cake and dozen Dominos pizzas? Effing geniuses.

Because after all is said and done, I'd pay just about anything to come home to a peaceful, clean, quiet home. And fruit punch-free carpet. Who's with me?

7 | 52 {project 52}

2011-02-20T15:29:00.003-06:00

{02.20.11 | checking out what you call the "giant snowflags" | our backyard}

6 | 52 {project 52}

2011-02-18T12:39:00.002-06:00

{shaggy mop | 10 months old | 02.11.11}

I know the little man needs a haircut, but I just know when we cut that shaggy mop, he won't look like a baby anymore!

10 months old

2011-02-16T14:17:00.002-06:00

Dear little man,

It's possible this past month flew by the fastest of them all {although, I'll probably say the same thing next month}. But I can't believe you're already 10 months old.

Your favorite thing in the world right now is "tubby time." Just being near the bathtub is thrilling. I'm pretty sure you'd stay in the tub all day and night if we let you. You have no fear when it comes to water {or anything}. You splash like crazy, get soap in your eyes and even try to stand up and climb out of the tub.

Another favorite is hide-and-seek. You'll crawl all over the house, but usually straight to Avery's room {and you are wicked fast}, turning back to see if we're behind you and giggling uncontrollably the whole way. {You're quite possibly the most adorable thing I've ever seen. :)} Your obsessed with opening and closing doors. You also enjoy hunting down the toilet rolls in every bathroom quickly unravel. You're like a pleasant little hurricane. That's why the nickname "little critter" has managed to stick around. :)

This past month, you made it through your first blizzard and your third ear infection. You just started taking the first "steps" beyond cruising along furniture to now walking behind push toys. For the past week or so, it was just two or three steps, but today was actually the first time I saw you walk across the entire living room. I think my jaw hit the floor. You're such a strong, confident little guy.

You've finally dropped the third nap and fifth bottle, so your schedule is much more "big kid-like." You eat like a big kid already too, eating everything we do. Although you've gotten a bit pickier about what you like and don't like, you go absolutely bonkers over pizza and apple cinnamon Cherrios. The only new thing you tried this month was hummus, which unlike your sister, you actually liked quite a bit. The thing you're still not so keen on is avocado {are you really my son?!}. But no matter what we put on your tray, you abandon all manners and shove it in your mouth. One giant cracker? Shoved in. 10 peas? All in at once. Let's just say, you gag a lot. :)

This past month, I'm so glad to have captured your crazy, out of control hair {which is SO downy soft--you are like a little baby bird}, your giant gummy smile {really?! STILL no teeth??}, and your infectious belly laugh.

Now, the question for this next month: Which will come first, your first tooth or your first step?

5 | 52 {project 52}

2011-02-09T19:08:00.001-06:00

{02.02.10 | warming up with cocoa | blizzard of 2011}

Exactly 10 years ago...

2011-02-02T18:47:00.004-06:00

10 years ago...
I was rockin' a mini at my favorite college bar {after trying on a dozen outfits}.

Tonight...
I'm rockin' a comfy pair of pjs {that I wore all freakin' day}.

10 years ago...
It was round after round of Long Island Ice Teas for our crew.

Tonight...
It's a glass of red wine for two, along with a chocolate milk and a sippy of apple juice for our littles.

10 years ago...
We danced, chatted and laughed until the bar owner kicked us out at 2 a.m.

Tonight...
We laugh at the idea of staying up past 10 p.m.

Boy, do things change after 10 years, huh? Happy anniversary of the day we met to my fab hubby! I love that we get to spend each day together again, and again, and again... {I totally love that our anniversary is Groundhogs Day!}

Snow day

2011-02-02T14:16:00.003-06:00

So, we got a lot of snow in the Midwest the past two days. (Duh.)

Waking up this morning was sort of like unwrapping a present. If by, "present" you mean "blizzard," and by "unwrapping" you mean "struggling to open the front door more than 2 inches because there's 100 lbs of snow pushing against it."

So Avery and I did a lot of this...

and this...

and this...

...until we finally found the door.

And Ryan did a lot of this...

and this...

and this...

Oh, and the mailbox did a lot of this:

Hello, mountain!

And after a few of these...

We felt like this.

4 | 52 {project 52}

2011-01-30T12:00:00.000-06:00

{01.29.11 | bathtime | baby rolls}

3 | 52 {project 52}

2011-01-22T18:27:00.003-06:00

{01.15.11 | the evidence: still no teeth | 8 months old}

9 months old

2011-01-15T16:44:00.027-06:00

Instead of boring you with yet another monthly update of "Oh my gawd, how did he get to be another month older?! It's going sooooooo fast!," I thought I'd show you a behind the scenes shot. This is how monthly photos with a 9-month-old go.

It is SO a two-person job; sometimes three {in fact, Avery is our go-to gal for these shots because she keeps him happy, smiling, and as non-squirmy as possible, but she was napping today, so daddy stepped in}. You'll notice squirming, shifting, standing {aka, launching himself off the chair}, climbing, scooting, finger-eating, foot-pulling, and maybe one shot that's sort of usable.

I know it's not "the perfect shot," but it is SO Gavin. Crazy hair, squealing, flailing, big, gummy grinned Gavin. :)

To say life with a 9-month-old is interesting would be a massive understatement. I truly feel like he changes daily. One day he's standing. The next he's standing up and sitting down. The day after that he's crusing. Yes, he's cruising from the coffee table to the couch to the side table, crawling over to the fireplace, cruising along the hearth over to the TV... Our great room is pretty, well, great, and the kid can do a lap in about 60 seconds.

His food repitoire moves just as quickly. Still no teeth {seriously, WHEN PRAY-TELL will they come in?!}, but he now eats any and all veggies and fruits (just mashed; no more purees), crackers, pizza, cheese, noodles and the other day he had a grilled cheese. Um... yeah. Oh, and he snuck a snickerdoodle too. It's safe to say the kid loves food.

For that very reason, you'd think he'd weigh 50 lbs, but he's actually 21 lbs 9 ozs {65th percentile}. And he continues his height streak, coming in at 29 3/8" {85th percentile}. Check out the thunder thighs!

In addition to all the solids, he's still getting five 7-oz. bottles a day--one or two are formula and the rest are breastmilk. To be honest though, I think the formula bottles will start increasing because, let's just say breastfeeding has been so much more of a struggle this time around. More on that in a later post I'm sure. But essentially, EPing, or exclusively pumping, has been so tough. I never knew it'd be such a struggle, but somehow it's all still worth it.

Gavin is such a happy, amazing, lovable, squishy little butterball baby. Watching him grow, hearing him start to say sounds and explode with big belly laughs, and seeing him explore and discover the world around is incredible. We're having a ball.

Gavin's stats at 8 months old
Wake up time: Around 7 a.m.
Bedtime: Between 6:30 p.m. and 7 p.m.
Naps: Sometimes three, sometimes two; we're trying to get it to two solid naps, but it's really hit or miss: 9:30-10:30ish, 12:30-2:30ish, 4:30-5:30ish (if we could get that morning nap longer, he probably could scrap the late one).
Meals/solids: Pretty much wants anything we're eating; getting much better at feeding himself.
Milestones: Cruising on furniture, standing on his own for a few seconds, trying to climb everything.
Physical stats: Still no teeth.

Coffee Talk

2011-01-14T10:08:00.003-06:00

Can we talk about something super important for a minute?

How about some RHOBH? {If you don't know what that is, I am saaaaaaad for you.}

Ok, so after this week's episode, I was left again banging my head against the wall over everything Camille did, said, thought... The woman drives me bat-shit crazy. So much for remembering where you came from {cough, cough, stripper, "dancer," escort, cough, cough}.

I continue to have absolutely no understanding of how her "friend" allows her to kiss her husband, Nick, constantly and do nothing but undress him with her eyes. If that was a man doing that to his pal's wife, I'm pretty sure it'd be like a scene from UFC, right? I really don't get it. And, yet again, Camille made a b-line straight to her friend's husband at a pre-party, did the whole kiss-kiss-cheek-cheek thing, and then said, "Gimme one on the mouth." As if that wasn't already so over the line, she turned away and said, "Mmmm, that was goooooood."

And it managed to get more bizarre on Watch What Happens Live {which, by the way, that Andy Cohen is one smart SOB--the nerdiest, most adorable pocket-sized gay man who knows just what people wanna watch...and then somehow has figured out how to replicate that over and over and over and over and, well, you get it}. Camille tried explaining that kissing Nick is like kissing a brother or something. Um, right. Because after you kiss your brother, you say, "Mmmm, that was goooood." I'm throwing up now.

The absolutely best part was when I was watching E! News today and saw a clip of Nick and his wife talking about how neither of them find it strange, and that he would never disrespect his wife like that. Um, have you seen yourself on the show?? Or, more importantly, did you see your wife sitting next to you in that interview, talking like a robot and clearly reading the cue cards Camille must've been holding up behind the camera. LOL. I mean, really.

So, what's the deal? Is her "friend" being paid to let Camille do what she wants with Nick? Are they just pretending to be married for the show? Am I the only one who totally thinks they are all totally bizarre?

Talk amongst yourselves.

{image courtesy of Bravo and Daily Mail UK}

2 | 52 {project 52}

2011-01-13T19:54:00.000-06:00

{01.08.11 | Gavin crawling | 8 months}

1 | 52 {project 52}

2011-01-06T20:29:00.004-06:00

{01.02.11 | The James | 17th floor | Chicago, Ill.}

New Year's: In like a lion...

2011-01-05T20:32:00.000-06:00

When you start the New Year's weekend wretching green projectile vomit into the porcelain prince and end it by throwing away your 4-year-old's poop-filled underpants because they are so beyond washable, things can only look up, right?

Despite our best efforts, I got the flu the Thursday before New Year's. Ryan got it Friday night. And then, of course, Avery got it Saturday. {Gavin got an ear infection for Christmas and was on meds that resulted in about four costume changes a day, so he was already having issues. The flu must've had pity on him, because somehow he was spared.}

The worst part about us all getting The Crud 'o 2010 {that's what it's been affectionately named around these parts}, was that Ryan had been planning a weekend getaway to celebrate 10 years together. We're talking NO kids. Yes, please! Between work, therapies, the holidays, poopsplotions, and general whathaveyou, we are long overdue for some R&R.

But yeah, that R&R was scheduled to begin New Year's Day. I didn't have the heart to tell him to cancel. He's been planning the surprise for what seems like forever, so I told him we should plan to go anyway. "I'm sure I'll be feeling better." Famous last words.

That morning after we dropped off the kids with my parents, Ryan started his downward spiral. Join me, won't you, at the depths of hell. We were two miserable souls. I sipped Gatorade the entire drive into the city, but it hardly mattered when he told me what our first stop would be. Our favorite old bar. Ohmygodno. I sucked it up. And felt like the douchiest db in the joint. Nothing like ordering a Sprite in a boot from a 12-year-old waitress. Nice. At least she carded me. Adorable little child.

After that, Ryan admitted our entire weekend was planned around the two things you go to Chicago to do: eat and drink. Um, no and no. We drove through our old neighborhood as we raced to our hotel, The James. SO unfair. This place was sweet. Right on Rush, steps away from Nordstrom, Room & Board, Bloomie's, PORTILLO'S {hello, best cheese fries in the world}, a sushi place across the street... Oh, and our room was on the PENTHOUSE LEVEL. I'm tearing up with sadness just thinking about it again. And ya know what? We were those people who didn't leave the room the entire weekend.

Um, no. Weirdos.

Because we were so full of vomity goodness. Nothing brings you closer on an anniversary like banging on the bathroom door to yell, "Move your ass! I'm gonna hurl!" to your beloved. Good times. Oh, but I did live it up and order room service. Mmmm, $20 chicken noodle soup and saltines.

The bright side was that we were feeling quite a bit better Sunday morning and were able to pop over to Grand Lux {just a few doors down from our old office on Michigan Ave.} for breakfast. It was the first time in four days {and five less pounds} that I'd had an appetite. Pretty sure our waiter thought I was binging. BIG time. {I ordered scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, toast, three giant pancakes, bacon, three glasses of water... and then when Ryan couldn't eat anymore, I grabbed his last two pieces of french toast all like "Get in ma belly!"} It was rad.

So basically, we'll be headed back to Chi-town for a redo very soon I hope. :)

I seriously hope your New Year's was better than our pukefest. Speaking of which, does anyone know how to get the smell of vomit out of hair? Wish I was kidding...

'Tis the season for giving

2010-12-22T20:36:00.001-06:00

LOTS of giving.

To family, friends, teachers, co-workers, neighbors, postmen, garbage guys, recycle ladies, bosses... seriously, the list goes on and on, right? And not that these people don't deserve a gift {in most cases, they deserve a freaking medal, but that's beside the point}, but it can get expensive buying for so many people. Plus, in all honesty, I secretly hate being one of those people that gives {gasp!} boring gifts.

But, um, I have about 3 minutes to do anything extra these days. And 3 minutes won't get you far. Especially when you're trying to be creative.

So last week when I was starting to panic because I realized Christmas was, like, a week away and I'd yet to start even thinking about gifts for people besides immediate family (but, hello?! i needed something nice--but not too pricey--for A & G's teachers AND therapists), I asked my beloved Facebook friends for ideas.

One of the girls mentioned they were doing personalized ornaments. LOVE the idea. So, enter always-awesome Google, and I found this post on Ohdeedoh about felt gingerbread ornaments. How freaking cute, right?! Not only cute, but it was personal and easy enough for Avery to actually make it herself. What teacher (and OT/PT) wouldn't love that?

Anyway, I thought I'd share what we did in case you're a procrastinator like me. Word to the wise: Go through that overflowing hall closet, pull out the craft bin and see whatcha got. I had everything but the felt (and the gift cards--duh--and gift tins) on hand, so a quick trip to Michaels and I was able to whip these up in a day. And honestly? It was kinda fun.

{Teacher gifts}

Felt from Michaels ($0.79/sheet -- I was able to fit all 5 gingerbread men one one), traced around a cookie cutter on clearance for $0.49, found the white puffy paint in my craft box. Wrote "Avery, 2010" on the back. Gift card tin $2 from Target; Papa Murphy's gift card inside.

{Therapist gifts}

$2 tin from Target; magnets, silicone glue and glass beads from my craft box; designs cut from pages of magazines/catalogues I had laying around--I did the cutting, Avery did the sticking. Starbucks gift card attached.

P.S. The other "homemade" gifts we made for the helper teachers were cookies and chocolate covered pretzels, a thank you/happy holidays card, and lottery tickets. Quick, easy and fun. Yay!

8 months old

2010-12-15T20:06:00.002-06:00

I know this isn't the best photo technically speaking, but I still went with it because I love how happy he is here. :)

It's hard to believe that another month has flown by and we're at the EIGHT-month mark now. I find myself thinking about birthday plans already, and wondering how I'm going to juggle a joint birthday party (but honestly, getting pretty excited about the ensuing chaos).

Gavin's been crawling for about a month now, but just recently it's gotten crazy. Like, total mayhem. First, he is FAST. Last weekend, I spent most of my time on the floor ~~in a mad dash to save the Christmas tree~~ crawling after him, and ohmygod was I exhausted by Sunday night! 30-somethings are NOT meant for that much physical activity. Unless somehow I can relocate some of the fat from practically everywhere else on my body to my knee caps, I'm not up for another round of that this weekend. I'm seriously contemplating being one of those people and putting 10 gates all over the house -- around the tree, in front of the fireplace, around the TV stand... Eh, maybe I just kick it REAL old school and put him in a ~~pig~~playpen.
So, with that speed comes destruction. It's all in good fun; there's not a malicious roll of flab in that boy. But, wow, can he Tazmanian-devil his way through the house. In about a five-minute span on Sunday, he ripped apart the tree skirt, dumped over the toy box and made his wayto the other end of the house, into our closet and pulled all of my shoes off their racks. Then put them back. Then waved them around, hit himself in the head, and put them back. Off. On. Off. On. Fascinating stuff. But I think it's safe to say our house will never be clean again. Well, maybe not till he's Avery's age. Then again, he's a boy. And boys are stinky and messy. :)

Another milestone (he seems to be whipping through them daily)? He pulled up to stand tonight. He's been crawling and pulling to kneel for a few weeks now, but tonight, he actually pulled all the way to stand. I was in the middle of saying something and all of a sudden, Ryan and I were just staring at him with our mouths hanging open. "Are you seeing this?!" And then a few minutes later after playing with his toy, we could tell he wanted to get down. I've always heard that once babies learn to stand, it takes them awhile to learn (and gain the courage) to sit back down. Um, no. Not this kid. He looked over his shoulder at us, and PLUNK. Sat down, and crawled off. Um, okay!

I have to admit I feel a little silly being SO blown away and giddy over these little things, but they are truly amazing feats. I mean, he's still a baby. Doing these majorly physical things that Avery struggled for so long to do. And he just acts like it's no big deal. While we sit there with our jaws on the floor. Crazy.

This month he's also tried a few new foods -- squash (loves), peaches (loves), green beans (loves), carrots (loves) and we tried puffs again (hates). But when he eats, he's been starting to make chewing motions, so I think we'll have to try some sort of other "solid" besides puffs and see if he likes anything else. I really don't get what's so bad about puffs since it's just air and sugar glaze, but whatever. Along with the chewing motions come babbling, too. He's got a very loud, gruff babble, but it's pretty darn cute. Lots of "abba" ... gotta work on "mama" instead. :)

And clearly he's eating like a champ because he's growing like one too. For his eight-month birthday he celebrated by wearing his new 18-month pants. Um... yeah. 12 month tops (that often look like manly crop tops) and 18 month pants. I have never seen a kid blow through clothes this fast. At this rate, I'm just gonna have to start putting him in Avery's old stuff because I'm getting tired of buying something, having him wear it once, and then not being able to squeeze him into ever again!

Well, I think that does it for the 8-month update. I'm hoping things slow down a little more this month so we can adjust to having a speed-crawling kid in the house. I'm a little afraid that I'll have a "walking" update sooner than I'd like though.

Gavin's stats at 8 months old
Wake up time: Usually around 7 a.m.
Bedtime: Between 6:30 p.m. and 7 p.m.
Naps: Still taking three a day: 9:30-10:30ish, 12-2ish, 3:30-4:30ish. Would like to try and get him on two a day instead.
Meals/solids: This month, tried squash, peaches, green beans, carrots. Still doesn't like feeding himself though.
Milestones: Crawling and pulling up
Physical stats: Still no teeth. No weight or height check this month.

No more baby in a bucket

2010-12-06T21:07:00.002-06:00

"Yeah. It's me. Just chillin' and wearing a big kid coat. And a hat. And mittens. Picking out my first Christmas tree. No biggie."

LOL. This kid cracks me up. He's so like, "Yeah, whatever, man." Nothing phases him.

Fifteen degrees and a wind chill? Meh, who cares. 10-foot Christmas trees? Pfft, I'll eat your cat for breakfast.

Seriously, why is my baby like a teenager all of a sudden?? I feel like he's changing SO frickin much lately. He's crawling all over the place (mainly to said Christmas tree that he couldn't have cared less about at the lot, but suddenly couldn't keep his grubby man-paws off of when we got it home), pulling up on things (again, on said Christmas tree, although he does spice it up every now and then by attempting to pull up on the stone fireplace, aka, CONCRETE DEATH TRAP FROM HELL). I swear, we need to bubble wrap the entire house. And probably tether the tree to the wall...

More ambivilance from the tot? Last week when I came home and he was "down for a nap." And after multiple attempts to wake him up (lights on, rubbing his back, trying to roll him over, talking to him, etc.) to, you know FEED him or perhaps put him in a proper pair of pajamas, we gave up and he slept in till 7:30 the next morning. WTH?

In further attempts to run off to college tomorrow, he's no longer in the bucket carseat. We completely maxed that thing out last week when the strap wouldn't loosen anymore even after we tried remove layers of clothes till he was down to a diaper and a onesie. Um... yeah. Oh, and socks! Don't call the po-po on us quite yet.

He's now in Avery's giant convertible car seat (backwards, of course). Which means coat, hat, mittens, socks, shoes, kitchen sink... every.freaking.time.we.leave.the.house. Times two. Which really has me rethinking leaving the house. Like, ever again.

So, speaking of that "times two." She's now in a booster seat. A BOOSTER SEAT. Like, with a seat belt. Like, the same seat belt I use. Well, really, isn't this the same get-up as some 80-year-olds have in their car--a booster seat and a seat belt? Again, WTH?! It can't be possible that I have a child old enough for a booster seat. And no more baby in a bucket. What the hell is happening??? Why is everything going so fast?? Is it something about the second child that puts you in a time warp??

It actually happened

2010-12-03T20:59:00.000-06:00

After five years worth of visits to the big guy...

One success at 7 months old.

Three utter and total failures with complete meltdowns and hysterics {check out this gem}.

And one year that included bribing a family friend to dress as Santa and sneak through our backyard to leave a candy cane "from Santa" so as to avoid another year of utter and total failure {see above}.

It actually happened.

We saw Santa.

He miraculously knew her name. Knew she was four. And that she loves Dora. Before we knew it she was asking him to move over so she could sit on his chair.

And Gavin? Well, he's all about a guy who's known for his bowlfull of jelly and rosy cheeks. And, we won't even go into the fascination G had with the beard. Oh, how the little dude loves hair. Facial hair was a whole new world to him. And he likey.

That Santa is a trooper. I hope they pay him in more than booze.

I am thankful for...

2010-11-24T21:11:00.001-06:00

...a husband who loves me despite my Bravo addiction.

...a beautiful daughter who blows me away every single day, even though at times it's with her sass and not her smarts.

...the sweet baby boy sleeping in the next room whose laugh more than makes up for the fact that he's pooped on me -- twice.

...the roof over my head even if it is a heinous shade of brown.

...the food in my belly and the ability to overindulge sometimes even if I know I shouldn't.

...the job I have even though it's slowly driving me to the brink of insanity.

I really am truly grateful for so many things this year. When I look at where we were last year, grieving over all the things that could've/should've/would've, it's really incredible to see how far we've come and how good things are. I need to remind myself of all of that much more often. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

7 months old

2010-11-21T15:35:00.000-06:00

Super Baby!

As much as I try, I think it's safe to say we're at the point now where there's no way to get a picture of Gavin looking at the camera and sitting still. I'm guessing those days are gone until, oh, I don't know, 17 years old?

So we're one month closer to the big man's 1st birthday. I say it every single month, but still? Cra-zy.

He continues to be a super happy, giggly, smiley man. He's basically the same, except add "mobile" to the list. Yep, a few days before he turned 7 months old, he started crawling. Oddly enough though, he's pretty mellow about it and isn't all over the place (yet). It seems like he's doing something new almost every day. Once he started crawling, it only took a few days to learn how to go from sitting to crawling, and then from crawling back to sitting. This is all new territory for us since Avery never met any of these milestones until much later, if at all. {It's hard to believe babies accomplish so much in just one year... Makes me cringe when I think about ~~any~~ all of my new year's resolutions that, even without checking, I can assure you didn't happen. Me in 2010 is pretty much me in 2009... So, yes, babies rock the accomplishment category.}

At 7 months, Gavin has tried rice cereal, sweet potatoes, avocados, bananas and this week we're starting peas. So far, I've made everything myself using a handy steamer basket and/or hand food grinder... which is probably why he's only tried four foods so far, but part of me is a worrywart about allergies. The other part of me is just lazy/busy/etc. And the other part of me? Doesn't know how to prep or steam pretty much anything besides what I've already done. So there's that... We also tried puffs, but he HATES them. He makes a disgusted face and tries to spit them out. Of course, then he looks longingly at our steak, pizza, etc. Sorry pal, but you gotta master the puffs first. Horse, THEN cart.

Since there's no check-up this month, I'm not sure how big he is, but let's just say, him in his SnugRide? Laughable. Me carrying him in his SnugRide? Painful. I think it's time to suck it up and move him to a convertable car seat. Which of course means I have to get one of those bunting things. I got him a coat, but I know that's a no no for car seats. Not sure why they even bother making baby coats... I guess for sledding?

Also, still no teeth. But I promise you, the kid is trying. Teething like it's his job. Whining, whimpering, and shoving anything and everything into his mouth any chance he gets. Which is probably why he's getting a cold. Again. Just in time for Thanksgiving. It's also probably why he blows through three or four outfits a day. Seriously. I gag just thinking about it. The other day he came home from daycare in the only thing they had left -- some pink and purple footie sleeper they dug up from God knows where. Ah, our little princess, Gavin. {He'll love these stories someday, right?}

Next up for the 7th month? Another car trip to see family, his first Thanksgiving, maybe some mashed taters. And hopefully something else besides peas. Anyone have recommendations? Something easy that even I can handle?

Conversations with a 4-year-old

2010-11-14T22:04:00.000-06:00

Even though most of the time talking with Avery is like talking with a 25-year-old, there are those occasional conversations that help you snap out of it and quickly remember who you're really talking to.

Last night, Ryan was reading Avery a story from her Spark bible. The story was about how God loves everyone. I could hear Ryan saying, "God loves everyone of every color -- some people have skin the color of chocolate, some are the color of roses, some are the color of snow... God loves everyone! Isn't that great?!"

Avery thought for a minute, then responded.

"Yeah! ...

I love horses."

Just one

2010-10-30T13:08:00.000-05:00

Took a few shots before naptime and wanted to share one. Kiddo makes me laugh. :)

6 months old

2010-10-29T13:19:00.002-05:00

6 month stats:
Weight: 19 lbs 4 ozs (75th percentile)
Height: 28 1/4" (95th percentile)

So the little man is 6 months old. Holy CRAP.

I didn't freak out about him hitting the half-year mark until I was went to write something in our planner for next month and saw Nov. 14th's note: "Gavin's 7 months." Seriously, my heart started racing and I was like, "Wait, I'm sorry, what?? SEVEN months??" ::gulp::

Anyhoo, back to this crazy mature 6 month old. This past month was pretty great. He learned to sit up on his own, eat rice cereal, sweet potatoes, applesauce {homemade by Grammie and Avery} and avocado {which he didn't love nearly as much as his mama does}, and start "crawling" backwards. {And by crawling I mean sliding/pushing himself backwards all across the living room.}

I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's any day now before he starts real crawling. Like, the forward kind. He gets up on his hands and knees and does that whole rocking thing.

What I do know is that the little man is SO much happier now that he can get to where he wants to go by scooting and he can sit up on his own to see everything. LOTS less grunting and whining. :)

The trouble spots this month have revolved around sleeping. Ugh, sleep. How we miss thee. Well, it's not quite that bad, but it's safe to say that 2-3 nights a week, G wakes up and 1-3 times for various reasons {rolled over, lost binker, wants to hang out, who knows...} and needs to be shushed back to sleep. We {sort of} tried to let him cry it out one night, but he is PERSISTENT. Like his sister. Wow. Let's just say, it didn't work.

We tried throwing a bunch of binkers in the crib, but seeing as we can't find them in the middle of the night, how the heck is a baby supposed to? So that doesn't work. Any other ideas? I know at 6 months now, crying it out really should be a solution... guess we just have to give it more of a week or so? The fact that we stopped swaddling him hasn't helped matters either. Part of me wants to go back to swaddling till he's 15. Would that be weird?

Well, now we're on our way into the second half of the first year. And I have a feeling this next 6 months is going to be like an alternate universe. Since Avery never crawled {and didn't even walk till she was 15 months}, the pediatrician basically freaked me the hell out at G's 6-month appointment. Maybe ignorance will be bliss? Right. Okay then, pray for us! :)

{p.s. i have no idea why these monthly photos keep turning out so grainy/noisy... all the settings are fine; guess it's the paint/light in this room? suuuuuper annoying.}

{p.p.s. yes, i realize it's 15 days after G's actual "6-month-birthday." yes, life is that crazy, but i trust you all know exactly what that's like, so i know no one will call me out lol.}

The {crazy sexy cool} wedding

2010-10-20T20:43:00.003-05:00

You know that feeling when you've taken a bunch of pictures and the day is over, and all you can think about is, "Did I get anything good?" That was me after last weekend.

Of course, that was after I woke up with a massive ~~hangover~~ headache.

My first coherent thought was actually, "Curse. You. Second. Martini." Moving on...

Seriously though, my bff's wedding was beautiful. And fun. And special. And glam. And even a bit, um, sexy? Is that allowed? It was like a J.Crew shoot {literally, both of their outfits were from the Crew}. SO very her. I tried not to get too paranoid about the fact that I AM TAKING SOMEONE'S WEDDING PICTURES. Since she's my friend too--we've been pals since 7th grade--I wanted to be sure to take a few moments and actually be present at her wedding.

I snapped the most of my shots as we all stood around for a few minutes before the ceremony. Then i took a few during, just a handful of posed shots at the end, and really none at the reception {not my fault--she told me to relax and enjoy myself! Plus, her dad was snapping a ton, so I gave in to the wine--and, ahem, martinis--and put the camera away}. Really, I only shot about 100 frames. And I REALLY wanted to shoot at the reception location -- hello, cream city brick! -- but the newlyweds got all popular and before we knew it, it was dark. Next time! Kidding. I kid!

I'd only been to this park once before, and my "test" shots the day before with Avery were HORRIFIC. Seriously, like I'd never picked up a camera in my life. So to say I was a nervous wreck would be an understatement.

And then I saw this little beauty. {swoon}

and this...

really digging the vintage look lately...

sooooo glad i actually nailed this one!

So yes, I realize I have a head chopping problem. But ya know, sometimes people are making silly faces and the rest of the shot works, so you just *whack* off with their heads. I also realize I play big time favorites to the right sided composition. And, last but not least, I realize I need serious help with Photoshop. I suck and have no clue what I'm doing.

Meh. Oh well. As I told my friend, you get what you get, and you'll like it damnit! Kidding. Smooches. :)

Taking it down a notch

2010-10-08T14:15:00.001-05:00

We've been doing lots around here lately.

{first cereal}

{first swing at the park}

{avery frolicked a bit too}

With the kids growing up so fast {it truly seems like they grow a year a day}, I've been feeling a lot of pressure to slow things down. You know, take it down a notch. Aside from scrapping it all and moving to a deserted island as a family wearing nothing but palm tree clothes and living off of coconuts (and rum, duh), I thought I'd take a stab at a compressed work week. And so far so good.

This was my first week of four 10-hour days, leaving me with today off. As much as I hate getting home around 6 p.m. since Gavin's bedtime is 7 and Avery's is 7:30, I guess it's not too bad. I still get to feed G his cereal and bedtime bottle, and I still have time to hang with A, hear all about her day, and do the whole bedtime routine (I sure wouldn't want to miss the whining, the drama, and the tears -- oooh the tears some days).

And having today off with both kids has been A-MAZING. Just relaxing, playing, napping, cleaning... just putzing around.

And talk about the best week to start this schedule -- it's 77 and sunny right now. Hello?! It's October. In Wisconsin. I think I just saw a pig fly by. Seriously. We're off for a walk to the park after the littles wake up from their naps. Maybe A can take G for his first spin down the slide. You know, to keep the list of "firsts" going strong.

Oh, and tomorrow's my bff's wedding. Outside. {74 and sunny again} AND my first "real" photo gig. Scary, but SO exciting.

Keep it up, October. I'm likin' you so far.

5 months old

2010-09-30T19:54:00.001-05:00

Where does the time go?? I cannot believe September is dunzo. And yes, I missed posting Gavin's 5 month shot. {I'm sure you've all been on pins and needles.} But in our house, we operate under the "better late than never" mantra, so here we go.

Gavin has changed a LOT in the past month. Not only does he seem so much bigger, but he seems so much older too. He's doing "big kid" stuff now like sit up on his own, army crawl or scoot on his belly across the floor. Everything goes in his mouth these days {which probably explains the endless colds/runny noses this month} but that also means he's showing off his binker tricks {he grabs his binker with his hand, takes it out of his mouth, waves it around, then puts it back in his mouth}. We'll be taking him on the road with this act next month; watch for it.

He's discovered his toes, which also go in his mouth {duh}. And the kid loves a good mirror. He'll just stare and stare at the handsome little fella looking back at him. Still no teeth. But the drool. Oh, the drool! It is everywhere. Constantly soaking shirt after shirt. We go through about five bibs a day. When will these teeth pop through?! I swear he's been teething for 3.5 months now. Geesh!

Baths have become a challenge... It's not that he's not a fan, but he refuses to hold still and we've yet to find a bathtub/sponge/situation that works. I guess he just likes being his sweaty, sticky, smelly, man-baby self. Maybe we'll try the sink...

I have no clue how much he weighs right now, but definitely a lot. Enough to throw out my back a few weekends ago. Yikes, giant baby! {I swear, it's all his fault; it has nothing to do with me being ridiculously out of shape...} And he's outgrown almost all the clothes in his closet. He went from 3 month clothes to 9 month stuff -- shot right through all the 6 month outfits. What the?!

And the saddest change this month? Gavin's hair is too long to spike. It's true: his rockstar hair is no more. :( He looks all proper and accountant-like. Quite a change. But as much as I miss the 'hawk, this tamer hairdo seems to suit his personality much more.

Gavin still seems to be the most laid back kid on the planet, as nearly all of his photos show. No smile, no tears, nada. Just our chill little man cub hanging out, observing this big ol' world.

Love ya, bud. Can't wait till next month when we start cereal! {Where will you put it, beefcake?!}

The grass is always greener…like, blindingly green

2010-09-21T19:46:00.001-05:00

Why is it that when you feel lower than low, you see nothing but happiness x 10? I mean, it appears that everyone has frickin’ rainbows shooting out of their asses. If I see one more Facebook update about “Suzie Jane wuvs her wittle bitty stwower rides!” or “Just spent the day with my most incredibly fabulous husband – my rock, my soul mate, my hero, my lover, and have I mentioned, my best friend?!” We get it. You love your kid. You love your husband. Duh, pretty sure we all do. But even on my good days, I don’t feel the need to shout it from the nearest mountain top. Why on earth do people feel the need to proclaim this kind of crap to faux friends across their beloved interwebs?? I seriously don’t get it. And there’s really nothing more irritating than reading that garbage when you’re bummed out. It’s like, “Yes, your life is blindingly perfect. I get it. Yay for you. Now hand me some sunglasses before your garish happiness blinds me for life.”

::sigh::

This month started out great. There were signs fall was on its way, I was all geared up for some PSL-sippin’, and pumpkin-muffin-bakin’. I was reflecting on how much has changed in just a short year {last year at this time we were excitedly and nervously expecting Gavin}, and was stoked about Ryan’s new job.

Aaaand, then it all started to suck.

The job transition happened about two weeks too late and money is beyond tight. Be-yond. The cat started peeing all over Gavin’s stuff and we had to give her away. And my grandma died.

And that’s just the big stuff. There’s all the little stuff tossed in there too like the house is a damn mess, I’m coming down with my second cold this month, Avery somehow scratched her eye and looks like she’s either got pink eye or we beat her, I’m about to go to a 4-day work week that I’m not even sure I want, I got a pseudo promotion that I’m not even excited about because it couldn’t be further from where I see myself going, I tweaked my back carrying Gavin the Great last weekend, I feel less inspired than I ever have before, our pet’s heads are falling off!... okay, that last one may be from a movie, but you get what I’m saying, right? Oh, and I may have a gray hair(s)! The hubs will neither confirm nor deny, probably for fear of sending me over the edge. WTH?!

I’m definitely not depressed {been there done that} nor am I at the verge of shaving my head and chasing you with an umbrella, but I just feel like everything’s such a disaster right now and I absolutely cannot wait to move on already. NEXT!

All I want is a date night out with the hubs – or even a date night in with wine… lots and lots of wine (and possibly a fire? craziness!).

All I want is to do that little fall-to-winter nesting process I go through each year and start working on Avery’s new room design.

All I want to do is take out my camera and shoot pretty things.

All I want to do is press pause.

Everything is in constant motion right now, and as much as I thought I was kick-ass when it came to change, apparently I suck at it. Like, freak-out-in-a-big-way suck at it. There’s change at home, change at work, change in schedules, change in seasons, change in family… I’m sure I’m forgetting some category, but even that alone is plenty!

I don’t claim to be any sort of bible beater or super perfect church goer, but ironically, this past Sunday’s sermon was about how we should aspire to have a centered life versus a balanced life. I didn’t really get it at that exact moment, but yesterday at lunch I caught myself thinking, “Why can’t I just find some balance?!” And it was like a lightbulb went off. No one has a perfect life {no matter what their damn Facebook page says}. Everyone feels out of whack and off balance to some degree. So I’m trying to keep that in mind and focus on being centered. Centered and a wee bit tipsy. With cookie dough. All together now: ohmmmmmmmmmmm.

{I know I probably sound all sorts of crazy, and there’s no doubt my auntie will call in an Irish tizzy to make sure I’m not jumping off any cliffs… But I have to admit, ranting, raving and freaking the eff out here on my blog makes me so happy. It’s freeing and let’s face it—it’s a win-win for everyone. Sarah + venting + “ohmmmmming” = much less road rage and hyperventilating. And honestly, don’t you feel way more normal when I go off like this? Yeah, I thought so. You’re welcome.}

P.S. No umbrellas were harmed in the making of this post. :P

It's the most wonderful time of the year

2010-09-09T20:45:00.000-05:00

Right?! This is the time of year we Midwesterners live for.

Cooler temps? Check.

Crisp air and sunny skies? Check.

Jeans and long sleeves? Double check.

I cannot wait until the leaves start changing {we have the most gorgeous view of a little forest just outside our kitchen windows--it's pretty much what sold me on the house}. This weekend we kicked off the unofficial start of fall by sitting out on the patio in our jeans and Ts sipping wine and eating bread and cheese. The breeze was cool, and the sun was warm. Ah... made me feel all Vermont inside.

What else does fall bring? Football. And what does football bring? Heidel House Dip. My favorite game-day snack. Seriously so good. I mean, what's not to like? Ketchup, good. Cheese, good. Meat, good! {Who doesn't love The One Where Ross Got High?}

If you want:
1 lb ground beef
1/2 cup chopped onions {I use a sprinkle of onion flakes cuz I don't dig cooked onions}
1 clove garlic
Cook until brown and drain.
8 oz can tomato sauce
1/4 cup ketchup
1 tsp sugar
3/4 tsp oregano
Stir ingredients into meat mixture. Spoon off excess fat. Remove from heat.
8 oz pkg cream cheese
1/3 cup parmesan cheese
Add cheese to meat mixture. Heat until cheese melts. Serve with Fritos Scoops. Drink some beer. :)

This weekend I've got BIG fall plans:

Get my first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season.
Bake some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins.
Start packing away the household's summer stuff and bring out the fall clothes.
Plan fall activities for next month {apple orchard, pumpkin farm, and road trip north for some traditional tree-color-hunting family fun}

Ryan thinks I'm insane since it's totally still summer. But I'm sorry, folks. The second we step into September, it's fair game and I'm in full-on pumpkin mode. Everyone's back to school, the weather is very non-summer like, and um, I hate shorts. Even when it's 100. {You now understand why I hated living in Florida.}

Happy fall to you! Embrace it, people. It's awesome.

We survived...sort of

2010-09-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

We survived the first day of daycare.

Although, the term "survived" is open for interpretation. This was the face that greeted me tonight.

Either he got into a brawl with the other 4 month old, or he was crying all day. And if you'd have taken a picture of me at that moment, I'm pretty sure my eyes would've looked the same.

I feel like shit.

I know things will get better... he's adjusting to a new schedule and environment just like we all are, and that all takes time. I know that. And the whole car ride home he was squealing and laughing and "talking" like he was telling me not to worry. But I have never felt so awful in my entire life.

Days like these, I wish I could throw in the towel and stay home with the littles. But for the most part, I really love my job. I love being a part of the workforce and being challenged in new ways every day. I honestly believe there's no tougher job than being a working mom because you constantly feel like you're in a tug of war between what's best for you and what's best for your kids. And you inevitably feel like a heartless, selfish bitch for choosing "yourself." {And I don't even know if that's an accurate comparison since daycare is hardly NOT what's best for my kids, but you know what I mean.}

At the end of the day, there's no perfect solution no matter what type of mom you are. It's that way with everything, isn't it? It's hardly ever apples to apples, and no matter how many "pros" you have on the list, there are always a few "cons" too.

I'm sure it will get easier for all of us. But one thing I'm definitely positive on? Ryan's doing pick-ups this week. And I'm stocking up on wallow-in-my-own-pity wine.

Back to school, er, work

2010-09-05T21:56:00.001-05:00

I'm not even going to pretend I haven't noticed how lame this blog's become over the past couple months. Instead, I'll just dive right in like nothing's wrong. I'm passive aggressive like that.

There's been a lot going on. A lot.

Not to say this summer hasn't been awesome in a ton of ways (p.s., how is SEPTEMBER already?!??!?!?). But there was a lot of stress mixed in too. Stress that began with a little shake up in June. Ryan decided to leave his job.

Honestly, it was a long time coming. It was a constant battle with his boss, and when you're beaten down on a daily basis for almot 4 years, there comes a time when you just say enough's enough. I'm not one for throwing in the towel for most things, but when a situation starts to affect your family...that's just it.

Unfortunately, there aren't a ton of jobs in his field. Especially in our area. We knew with a lot of hard work, he could do the job on his own, taking many of his clients with him. But anyone who's ever had their own business knows it's hard. Like, 24/7 hard. You're never "off the clock," your clients can call you at all times of the day or night, and just because it's the weekend doesn't mean you're not working.

So after a lot of soul searching, we decided it was time for another change. One final change. He's headed back to the corporate world. With a normal, predictable schedule. Where he'll have weekends free, be home in the evenings with us, get PTO and all those other corporate "perks." He even has an office (I've been in the corporate world for 10 straight years and STILL don't have an office!), so he's pretty much got it made.

We're all super excited about this new chapter. Happy to have him home with us more ... along with a regular paycheck again (I love being able to plan and budget in my snazzy little Excel spreadsheet -- ehem, nerd alert -- and not having much moola to budget with was a bit of a buzzkill).

So there you have it. Our summer: In like an asskicking stressed out lion; out like a snuggly little lamb (with a 401k).

But hang on tight people... the other man of the house has his very own "first" this week too: daycare. Anyone wanna share their Xanax?!

Wordless Wednesday {vintage edition}

2010-08-25T06:32:00.001-05:00

4 months old

2010-08-19T19:30:00.003-05:00

Look at that happy little 4-month-old. Wow, already one-fourth of the way to his first birthday. 15 lbs 13 ounces and 26.25 inches of 4 monthedness. Crazy.

I've officially packed away all of his newborn and 3 month clothes since he's 100% in 3-6 month stuff. To be honest, he's not quite as big as I thought he was (I thought he'd weigh closer to 17 lbs), but he's much taller than I thought (85th percentile). I guess everything is distorted when you're comparing the babe to a 4-year-old/teenager.

The past month has been a big one for Gav Man. He learned to roll both ways (front-to-back and back-to-front) all in the same weekend and he can drag himself across the floor like a Marine at boot camp. The kid means business.

He's still technically sleeping through the night, but wakes up for his bink several times a night now. What's that about? Is that the 4-month wakefull stage? I'm not technically complaining, but it would be nice if we could go back to the solid 12 hours he was rockin' a month ago.

The most interesting discovery? His uncanny resemblance to Dr. Doofenshmirtz of Phineus and Ferb fame. You know, the guy whose motto is "When it comes to havoc, nobody wreaks like me!" {If you don't watch it, you totally should. It's so funny, I find myself watching it even when Avery's not around.} Luckily, Gavin doesn't have the freaky bug eyes or any evil plots to take over the tri-state area, but the hair? Totally identical, right? Love it.

So yes, this past month brought on the latest nicknames: Dr. Doofenshmirtz, the Doof, Heinz, Shmirtzer, G Doof... you get the idea.

Oh Doofy, you are SO much fun. That laugh of yours ... when I'm pretending to eat your toes, snarf on your tummy, when that little piggy goes wee wee wee all the way home, or when we roooooooooooll it, pat it and mark it with a G ... it all makes me melt into a ooey gooey mess. When life is beyond stressful, you have a way of making that all disappear. We love you a bunch, kiddo.

Jo Jo the circus mommy

2010-08-10T07:08:00.002-05:00

Ok, I suck. There's been about a million things going on lately, but clearly blogging isn't one of them. Things are so nuts that I'm actually typing up this blog while commuting (and trying to ignore the fact that I could yak any minute thanks to a lingering childhood issue centered around motion and buses; ugh, seriously, start and stop traffic is not my friend).

But really, last week was ba-nanas at work (but I got to hear Tom Brokaw speak and hear Keith Urban rock it (something about a sweater and a cat...anyone?), so it was definitely worth it, but now I'm behind AND covering for a co-worker for two weeks. Oh and trying to, you know, make sure my family still recognizes me. {insert
big ol' Snooki "Wahhhh" here}

Baby? What baby? My "baby" is now an absolute tank and looks like he's ready for pre-school. Last night I dreamt that he started walking (yes, at almost 4 months, and yes, at the park near our house at 2 a.m. Clearly normal).

And that teenager in the house? Yeah, that's Avery. I think.

Seriously how do people do this?? How the hell do people successfully juggle work, school, soccer, pumping, sleeping, eating, bill-paying, pumping, cleaning, socializing, and pumping?? Am I missing something (besides eons of sleep and my kids growing before my very eyes)? Cuz, holy crap, this is hard.

(Stay tuned for more Sisterhood stories if you're interested. I've got 2 weeks of crazy stored up.)

Divine secrets of the ta-ta sisterhood

2010-07-20T20:53:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that’s right. I said it. Ta-tas. {Dad, stop reading immediately.}

I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. That I wouldn’t have to put it all out there. But since they put it all out there {in every literal sense of the word}, I can remain quiet no more.

Simply put, the barn is my personal nightmare. Worse than clowns. Yes, it's that uncomfortable. What's "the barn," you ask? My company refers to it grandly as "the lactation lounge." Sadly folks, it's nothing more than a glorified broom closet wtih cubicles and a sink. I wish I were kidding. Voting booths have more privacy.

Sure, I’m an oversharer here. Well, and with my friends. But with strangers in a face-to-face {err, boob-to-boob?} environment, no way. These women? It’s like on Sex in the City when they'd indulge in an overshare-fest at brunch…only with ta-tas. And pumps. Um, yeah.

Seriously, am I the only one who finds it a wee bit uncomfortable to be pumping away with your Bs hanging out and talking like your Bs aren’t, well, hanging out? And at work, no less? It's like teleporting to another planet. I feel so foreign, so awkward. I want to grab the ~~zombies~~ women and scream, "Don't you know this is weird?! Don't you see her Bs?? They're right there! Right THERE!"

But alas, they go on their business like little wind-up dolls and talk about the weather, work and babies. OH, the babies.

Ava is just the cutest thing lately!
Oh yeah?
Yeah! She said the cutest thing this morning. What was it...
Oh, that sounds adorable!
Ugh, I wish I could remember what she said!
Aw, cute!
I know!

Huh?? And other gems like:

Billy's having trouble learning to blow bubbles in swim class.
Oh no!
I know!
He just swallows the water.
Aw, so cute!
Right?! His teacher says a couple gulps of water is ok though.
Adorable!

WTH?? I want to bash my head against the wall or crawl under the desk and hide. Oh, but they'd find me. Because they like to sit next to each other, which now means they like to sit next to me! Yes, today when I was in there, one of the girls came in and sat...right freakin' next to me! There are EIGHT cubes in there and she sat next to me. And these are the women's version of urinals. There are NO partitions. It's a straight up cubicle so if you turn your head, you're lookin' at 'em. Yeah.

Then another one came in and sat right next to her. And of course, the chit chat began. Massaging Bs and all. Like nothin' was going on. And at the end? The girl reassembled herself, walked past the other girl and said, "I see you're on my calendar for a meeting at 11? See you then!" I. Would. DIE if I had to actually see these women in places besides the barn. Are you kidding. Oy.

Gavs, I love you, but formula may not be that bad afterall.

Stay tuned for more trials and tribulations of the working girl dishing the divine secrets of the ta-ta sisterhood...

The Nursery, Part 3: Modern Treehouse

2010-07-16T12:40:00.007-05:00

Here's something I've learned since having numero dos: Unless something's 100% done before the baby arrives, it'll never be done. Ever.

Those eyebrows you didn't get a chance to pluck before rushing to the hospital? Still a crazy mess. The birth announcements you worked so hard to design before the big day? Still haven't been printed (but I did at least manage to e-mail a "good enough" version to most people). The nursery you were so excited to create for your little one? Still missing bits and pieces three months later.

Yeah, things definitely take a back seat when you're put on bedrest and then have the baby 3 weeks early. And to be perfectly honest, I suck at deadlines anyway and have been known to get bored with a project halfway through, so there really never was any hope that this nursery would be done before G made his debut. Keepin' it real, folks.

Anyway... here's the nursery. And it's perfect. Well, to us. Gavin's given his stamp of approval (he's been sleeping in there since about 10 weeks--the crib was still in the box at that stage with Avery!), and his opinion is the only one that matters, right?

Before we get too far hashing out the details, let's have a quick reminder of how bad that room was in the beginning. ::shudder::

So, without further ado, here's how we went from a poo-colored spare room to a clean, calm gray and yellow nursery.

Step 1: The Walls

After a lot of drama about the paint color choice (I stressed over finding the "perfect" gray for months -- not too tan, not too yellow, not too cold or dreary, not too dark, etc.) we went with Repose Gray by Sherwin Williams. Even once it was up on the walls, I wasn't convinced at first and considered going with a bluish slate gray instead (I had grand plans to re-paint while Ryan was in Florida one week, but clearly did not have the energy and decided to try my best and just like the paint as is).

I'm so glad we left it as is. The photos here don't do it justice -- it really is the perfect gray. Not too tan, but not too "cool" either (I don't know why the photos have a greenish cast to them, but it doesn't look like that in person). And it works well with the cherry furniture. I like that the room is still light and airy without being blah white.

Besides the paint, I wanted to add something more exciting to the walls. But for the longest time I wasn't sure what that "something" would be. I wanted something that wasn't too babyish and would last awhile (because once those suckers are up, they're up), but lots of stuff I found was either too modern (doesn't jive with the rest of the house or the traditional cherry furniture) or was too fem (you may remember the similar problem I had when trying to find fabric). Finally I just bit the bullet and ordered the trees. I love love love how they turned out! Ryan says his room is like a modern treehouse. I totally agree.

Oddly enough, these were actually the last things to be added to the nursery. Most people would think to add these before all the furniture came in, but I wanted to get the furniture right before placing the trees (they're decals). Which brings us to...

Step 2: The Layout

Getting the layout just right was a major pain in the butt. Seriously. I was limited on options with a window on one wall (with a vent right below it, so it couldn't be blocked), a closet taking up another wall, and a weird "nook" that the door opened into. That left me with two walls (duh). Something always seemed like it was blocking something else or creating a weird flow. For the longest time I had the crib on an angle in the corner, but it really just seemed like a waste of space even though it was the most "symmetrical" option.

After weeks of dragging the crib, changing table and chair around the room, I was close to tears (and Ryan was ready to lose his mind). So I got out my trusty graph paper and ruler, and went to town creating a "mini nursery." Yes, everything was to scale so I could move it around and "see" where it'd all fit. This was one of the options (I had gotten so frustrated with the space that I seriously considered putting the changing table in the closet.)

Step 3: The Details

Once the paint was dry, the furniture was in, and the trees were up, it was time for some personality. I got a lot of inspiration from etsy. Is there anything you can't find there? Well, not only inspiration, but that's where I got the birch trees and the crib skirt fabric {Amy Butler "martini"}. But while some of the stuff was cool, it wasn't 100 percent what I was looking for. So I ended up making a lot of the stuff myself.

I whipped up an alphabet 8 x 10 poster using Photoshop and some free animal brushes I found online. I printed it for $7 through Snapfish and found the poster frame on clearance for $5 at Target. A little white spraypaint, and voila. I think it's the perfect pop of color in the reading corner.

And those bookshelves? Spice racks from Target.

I got this canvas print at Target too. It was only $15 and matched the other yellows perfectly.

Gavin stares and stares at it when he's on the changing table.
{curtains from Ikea like 10 years ago and hiding in our basement, rod and clips from Goodwill for $3}

More repurposed and simple stuff -- the two shelves on this wall are from our first place in Chicago post-college; they've literally been hauled all over creation. They started as a light birch, then black, and now white. I painted the little birdhouse {$2 from Michaels} while on bedrest, bought the Ugly Doll {$15} from a local baby boutique that went out of business, and the blocks were Avery's when she was little.

Here's the other birdhouse {$7 from Michaels} that I covered in awesome Smock Paper from Broadway Paper (formerly owned by the fabulous Tracie of tsj photography). It's actually wrapping paper, but it's so thick it's perfect for practically anything and everything else.

And my favorite DIY piece? The mobile. It was pretty simple (I did require an extra set of hands at the end to get everything even on all sides) and super cheap. Simply two needlepoint hoops {$3 each}, some clear craft string {$2}, and a dozen wood bird silhouettes from Michaels {$0.29 each}. Again, a little spraypaint, and voila.

{The crib sheet is DwellStudio ($36), white bumper from Ebay ($12) -- it had heinous duckie appliques all around, but since it was Pottery Barn Kids I knew it would be good quality, so I bought it and just pulled the ducks off with a seamripper.}

Step 4: The Finishing Touches

Still on the to-do list?

Get a slipcover for the chair (I've gone back and forth on this for MONTHS but I cannot bring myself to buy the beige cover! I've thought about buying the butter color and dying it darker so it's more saffron or even the beige one and dying it dark grey, but I'm a little paranoid about dye... thoughts??)
Add ribbon trim to the curtains (just so they're not so "blah"). I've got a nice wide grosgrain that'll work perfectly.
Get rid of the changing table and replace it with a thin white bookshelf or dresser. (I almost never change him there; it's so much easier to just change him while we're playing on the floor, and I couldn't find white baskets, so the beige drives me a little batty.)
Find a white rug (yes, white, and yes to go over carpet). I'm crazy, I know.
Organize the closet (right now, things are fairly organized either hanging on the rod or folded in baskets on the shelves, but I kinda hate how I can't see what's in the baskets...there's gotta be a better solution, I'm just not sure what that is yet).
Finish my ottoman project. It started out a red storage ottoman, and it'll end up covered in a coordinating Amy Butler fabric. It's gonna be fab, I promise.

Well, that's the nursery. Any questions about specifics, where I got something or if/how I made it, leave a comment and I'll get back to you!

3 months old

2010-07-14T06:45:00.011-05:00

Seriously? Three months already?! Holy crap, people! I thought time was flying while I was home with him, but um, no. His little life is practically flashing before me now that I'm back to work. I picked him up today and was like, "Who is this giant man-baby?"

As tough as it is that he's getting so big and growing by leaps and bounds, he is at such an incredibly fun age right now. He's all puffy and fluffy and squishily smooshy. Ugh! Every bit of him is just begging to be pinched -- those giant muffin cheeks, his chunkamunk thunder thighs, the little rolls on his arms... I could go on and on. :)

Like I said, he's growing so much and is already over 15 pounds according to my calculations -- it's a very scientific measurement of first weighing myself, then picking him up and weighing us together, doing a little subtraction, and voila!, or something... I don't know. Someone told me to weigh our cat that way, so cat... baby... same, no? Anyway, it's no surprise he's packing on the pounds since he eats between five and size ounces at a time (about every 3-4 hours).

He loves to stand on our laps and look around, and is loving the "rocketship" game we play -- blast off the lap, then slowly float back down with a Jetson car sound -- which, yes, sounds like toots or raspberries, but we'll call it the Jetson sound since that's more manly ya know? When he's upset I can make him smile by "beeping" his nose or cheeks, but Avery is the house expert for getting him to smile. Seriously, that boy loves his sister, who is really more like a mini-mama than anything. I love watching them together (and am storing all these sweet moments for the days when they absolutely loathe one another). And he adores "The Very Hungry Caterpillar." (He even has an Eric Carle onesie that says "...but he was still hungry" on the butt!)

He still hasn't rolled over (Avery did at 10 weeks -- always the overachiever), but he loves to sit up in his Bumbo until he just can't bear to balance that giant noggin of his any longer. Thanks to some ridiculously strong legs, he can push himself across the floor, but other than that, he doesn't find tummy time too interesting. He'd much rather sit up and chat with us, which is hysterical because when he "talks" he sounds like Chewie from Star Wars. Seriously. Between that and the drooling (could he be teething already?!), he's definitely not about to pick up any chicks (although, the ladies at the grocery store still dig it).

All in all, Mr. G is still chill as ever. He naps a lot, smiles a lot, and generally doesn't make a fuss about a thing. We just hope he isn't losing his rocker status now that his hair's growing out. It's becoming more of a reverse mullet -- long and businessy in the front, short and all party-like in the back. Well, we do live in Wisconsin... and with those cheeks and thunder thighs he could easily pass for a Bubba. Oh, squishy little man, happy 3 months.

[See G at 2 months and 1 month, too.]

Friday Foto

2010-07-09T17:06:00.002-05:00

As I quickly approached the end of my maternity leave, I had to decide how best to spend my remaining time -- all in one chunk, or spread out. To me, it seemed to make more sense to spread it out and take a few Fridays off here and there not only to ease my way back into the workforce, but to spend more time with Gavin week to week.

I also decided that these Fridays would not be spent running errands (Starbucks and Target do not count as errands, FYI) and wasting the day. Instead, I wanted to push myself and get the camera out to document that baby sweetness -- before it's gone!

So... after about 170+ shots today, this was my absolute favorite (this is SOOC).

I shot it with my 50mm 1.8, which shoots really tight. I wish I could've backed up more so his chin wasn't chopped off (I always do the set-up in our kitchen and there's not a ton of room, but it's got the best light). But I'm soooo proud that I nailed the eyes -- check out those catchlights! You can practically see our neighbor's yard in those babies!

Every shot needs a little PPing, but surprisingly this one didn't need much. The only thing I did was fix the dry skin, the boog and the scratch on his nose. Then I cooled it down a bit, did a quick sharpen, and that was it.

And even though he's got gorgeous eyes and yummy creamy baby skin, I think I actually like it a touch more in black and white. Mmmm, yum, right?

P.S. That hat? It's a 3-6 month size and barely fits on his giant noggin. Yipes!

6 = candy

2010-07-02T07:57:00.002-05:00

Apparently 6 years of love gets you candy...or iron. I'll take more of the sweet stuff.

It's hard to believe we've been married 6 years. We started as kids in college almost 10 years ago (where the air smelled like stamps--don't ask)...

So many fun adventures... our first place in Chicago (a tiny 350-sf studio in Lincoln Park), beach living in Florida (seriously, we hit the beach or pool almost every weekend), moving cross-country and somehow fitting everything into our SUV and a tiny pull-behind trailer...

And a few tough times that no one could ever prepare for... Avery's stroke diagnosis, the miscarriage...

I know the future holds plenty more adventures, and undoubtedly a few more tough times, and I couldn't imagine going through it all with anyone else. Life is crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy 6 years, babe!

Guest blogging

2010-07-01T22:13:00.000-05:00

If you haven't already, you should check out Ellen over at Love That Max. Like Avery, her son had a stroke which caused cerebral palsy, and she blogs about that as well as everything parenting related (and more). Her blog will make you laugh, it'll make you cry... it's better than cats. Seriously, she's the real deal.

She's on vacation this week and asked me to stand in as a guest blogger today. Hello, huge honor! Even if you don't have a child with special needs, I think almost every parent has at least a touch of daily paranoia. Right? RIGHT?? (And anyone who has read my blog for even a month knows I'm a crazy paranoid mess when it comes to Avery. And Gavin. And, well, most things actually...)

Anyway, check out my guest post and let me know what you think. And check out some of Ellen's other posts (maybe even nominate her for Nickelodeon's Parents' Pick Awards while you're at it)!

Ten-week wisdom

2010-06-29T09:19:00.000-05:00

On the eve of my very dreaded return to work, I can't help but think about all the things I've learned in the past 10 weeks... and how many things I forgot after just four short years (like how you'll get to pee once a day if you're lucky because you'll be so busy doing every.single.thing.besides.pee). And while my experience this time was 100% different than before -- with Avery, I remember thinking "So this is why people rush back to work after having a baby!" and now with Gavin, I know why people never go back -- there's pros and cons to both. And no matter what, you're still exhausted as hell, right?

1. Take time to take pictures. Even being a photo junkie, I know I haven't taken enough pictures. And even though I've taken a few that I absolutely love, Gavin changes every day, and it sucks to think I'm not capturing every single moment. And what's worse is realizing how few pictures I'm actually in. We've gotten a few family snapshots, but none of just me with Gavin (or even me with Avery--heck, she's growing like a weed too!).

In all other circumstances, I will flat-out refuse to let someone take my picture (I'm not the only one, am I? I mean, we all have those excuses about no makeup, it's a fat day, etc., right?). But I know someday, I'll wish I was in those photos. And my kids will appreciate it (so people say). So I'm really trying to get the camera out at least once a week... and to resist the urge to run and hide when someone pulls out a camera.

2. You actually can get used to being pooped on.
I'm not saying you'll actually like it. But you will get used to it.

By the third time Gavin pooped through his diaper, up his shirt, and all over my pants, I was like, "Huh. That's gross, little man," and just pulled out the scissors, cut off his onesie and soaked my pants in Spray 'n Wash.

3. Buy stock in Spray 'n Wash.
See #2.

4. Neither child will need you until they both do.
And by "need you," I mean simultaneously and immediately.

Like, say, the 4-year-old will most definitely fall off her chair during dinner and conk her head on the floor while you're feeding the baby who will most definitely join in the blood-curling screamfest when you can't give him his bottle because the 4-year-old requires an ice pack and major consoling.

Oh, and all of this will absolutely go down while your husband is on an important business call in the office. Oh yes it will.

5. Lose pounds, gain a hand?
Wouldn't it be nice if after you had a baby, you'd gain an extra hand? Not forever, but maybe just for a few months? Sure, it'd look super freaky, but I'd be all for losing the baby weight but gaining a third hand. God thought of everything, but that's the one thing I think he might have missed the boat on. A mom ALWAYS needs an extra hand, but rarely is someone around to help with things like opening a pickle jar while holding the baby, or holding the baby while you pee. Like you've never done it... Hello! Babies go EVERYWHERE with you.

("You'd think he'd want some privacy, but the kid is always around!" Bonus points for whoever knows what movie that line's from...)

6. One-handed wonder
Speaking of hands... You may not be able to open a pickle jar or wipe while holding the baby, but you'll be a BlackBerry whiz in no time. I honestly don't know how I survived night feedings with Avery without my BlackBerry.

Let's face it, you will have zero time to sit down at the computer to check e-mail, see what your friends are up to on Facebook, keep up with the latest ~~Bachelorette~~ BP drama... So you'll take any chance to text or e-mail people and search the lovely interwebs.

7. Pregnancy brain is for sissies
If you think you'll get your brain back the second you squeeze that kid out, you're dead wrong. Things actually get worse. Pregnancy brain ain't got nothin' on post-pregnancy brain.

The other day I was running late to get Avery from school. I grabbed Gavin and rushed into the garage. No keys. Went back into the house and back out. No phone. Ran back again. No purse. Back in. Finally got on our way. Halfway down the block I realized I didn't have anything in the purse. Back home for the wallet. SWEET.

Even dads aren't immune. (I think it's a lot like sympathy weight during pregnancy.) For instance, you and your husband may decide to enjoy a beautiful morning out on the patio at Starbucks after dropping off the 4-year-old at school. After getting out of the car, your husband may get all the way to the front door before you give him the "WTF?!" look, and realize he's forgotten the baby in the car. And the Starbucks patrons who see all this will most likely laugh. A lot. (And then you'll do a little dance because they didn't call CPS on your ass. Tis a good day.)

8. The second one really is easier
I was a paranoid mess with Avery. Yes, she was more difficult probably because of her stroke, but I think every first time parent is totally freaked out. At least with the second one, you don't worry every second that his head's going to fall off or that you're going to drop him.

9. Having company is a good thing
I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. Inviting people over was the only way my house stayed somewhat non-horders-like during those first few weeks. Sure, it wasn't a deep nesting-type clean, but it forced me to take 5 or 10 minutes to put stuff away instead of letting piles of gifts, cards, food, etc. pile up. And it forced me to clean a toilet now and again. Proud moments.

10. And I thought breastfeeding was hard...
If you've ever breastfed, you know why so many people give up. It's a huge undertaking. It can hurt, take a ton of time and give you a major complex. "Is he getting enough? How much milk is he getting exactly? Do I need to supplement? Is my diet making him sick?" And on and on.

But pumping? Oh my GOD. I had no idea how much harder that made things. With breastfeeding, once you get the hang of it, you can do it anywhere. You don't have to worry about bottles, nipples, powder, coolers, ice packs. Just grab a blanket for cover, whip it out, feed le bebe, and you're done.

With pumping, there are parts to clean every.single.time. And you've gotta haul along your handy little pumping machine. (Which isn't little at all. Well the pump is, but for some reason they assume you want it attached to a super-embarrassingly-huge tote bag. Seriously, you aren't fooling a soul. It screams "BREAST PUMP!" Pretty awesome.) And don't forget, you have to find a place to plug in that uber awesome pump. Hello, awkward. (Some people actually pump in their cars--they make adapters for the lighter jack?! I can't bring myself to do that, but more power to ya, I guess.)

The most frustrating part about pumping though? Timing. In the morning, guess who's hungry? Yep. And guess who's in pain from not pumping all night? Right again. So you have to feed the baby while in pain, then pump while praying the baby doesn't barf, poop or scream in his bouncy seat. And then you get to do the whole pump/feed/feed/pump schedule again and again and again. Like 5 or 6 times a day. And people wonder why I say my maternity leave went by like *that.* If I wasn't pumping, I was feeding him. If I wasn't feeding him, I was pumping.

Don't get me wrong, it's so worth it in the end. I know it's not important to some people, but for me, I want him to get breastmilk for as long as possible. But at only 2.5 months old, I have a long way to go. I've built up a good stash and am hoping to keep at it until he's at least 6 months old. But with going back to work (yep, I'll be rockin' the sweet imnotabreastpumpbreastpumptote and all the accoutrements--don't be jealous), that may be a very ambitious goal. We shall see.

One thing I know for sure? I cannot believe maternity leave is OVER! :(

2 months old

2010-06-14T22:42:00.004-05:00

It's hard to believe Gavin's two months old already. While he doesn't look much bigger than his one-month picture, he's actually grown quite a bit and for some reason seems so much older. It's amazing how it feels like he's always been a part of our family. So familiar and comfy. He's definitely our "old soul."

At two months old, you weigh 11 lbs 9 ounces and are 23 1/8" long -- 50th percentile across the board. You took your two-month shots like a champ, but had several major hissy fits later that night, so I guess you were just saving face at the doctor's office. :) You've outgrown your newborn clothes are are well into your 3-month clothes and size 2 diapers. Another big milestone? You were baptised this month. You're so loved, even the other family who was baptising their twins presented you for baptism (okay, maybe the dad was just a little nervous that he accidentally read your name too, but you are very loved).

You generally hate everything baby, which is why we joke about you being an old soul. When most babies are content laying in the stroller for a walk, you let us know that you'd much rather sit up or be held so you can see the world passing you by. And being held in our arms is not enough -- you're much happier being held upright facing forward or looking back over our shoulder. Everyone's impressed by your head control and neck strength, but you've been holding that noggin up since we were in the hospital. You are one seriously strong dude.

One thing mommy's not impressed with is your ability to blow through clothes. Literally. There was one week recently when you blew through your diaper and outfit, and actually pooped on me. And the last time it happened, I had to cut off your onesie it was so bad. Thanks, dude. And as pay back, these stories will most definitely come out on prom night. You've been warned. :)

You have the sweetest gummy smile that you not only flash when you're awake, but also when you're asleep, and we can tell you are *thisclose* to letting out a real belly laugh (so far, your only laughs have been gasps in instead of out--makes you sound a little Revenge of the Nerds but we love you anyway). You "practice" talking all the time, and are just the sweetest little man ever. Sooo even keeled and 100% content as long as you've got a full belly and a dry diaper. You can fall asleep anywhere, and have been sleeping through the night for weeks. (Hmm, maybe that makes up for the blow outs... we'll see.)

I love how mellow you are, how alert and interested you are in this big, crazy world, and most of all, I love your fluffy baby mohawk that seems to get taller and taller each day.

Keep rockin', Mr. Man.

Obsessed

2010-06-14T18:38:00.001-05:00

That's what I am. Completely obsessed with this photo.

I may look back on it someday and think it sucks (which is exactly what happens 99% of the time when I see my past photos). But at least right now, I absolutely love love love this shot.

Oh, little man. My heart is goo. :)

Conversations with a 4-year-old

2010-06-07T18:23:00.002-05:00

Me: What did you do today?
Avery: Played with Ryan.
M: That sounds fun. Ryan's so nice. Is he your friend?
A: Yep. Maybe sometime he can come to our house and play.
M: That's a great idea. We'll have to invite him over sometime.
A: Yeah. He can come and play and then we can have a sleep over.
M: Great! Wait, what?
A: And then we'll go to the store.
M: Why would you and Ryan go to the store?
A: ::sigh:: To buy oranges.
M: Anything else?
A: Carrots. ::eye roll::

I am so not ready for talks of co-ed sleep overs. Or trips to the grocery store with her pretend hubby. Although, maybe I should just be happy Ryan's not an imaginary friend? I've heard those can start around this age... So much to worry about!

The Nursery, Part 2: Round peg, square hole

2010-06-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

Last time we talked about nursery inspiration, I mentioned that right as I thought I had The Grand Plan all figured out, the March issue of House Beautiful arrived.

And this issue? It was their spring color issue. The "all about blue" issue. Considering that I had just decided on an aqua/turquoise/teal accent color for the nursery, I was stoked.

I immediately started flipping through the issue and landed on my favorite regular feature: I love my bed. It's this cute, kitchy little piece where they do a short Q&A with someone fab in the design world. And this time they were featuring Sasha Adler.

Once I moved past the idea that I totally want to be her when I grow up, I realized I had a serious problem -- I was totally swooning over the color scheme of her bedroom...gray, yellow and *gasp* NAVY.

This is the photo that caused the train to completely jump the tracks.

Seriously?! The mirror-framed headboard with saffron-yellow cotton velvet? The gray suede-like walls? The crisp white linens trimmed in navy scrolls? I die. The navy really adds a sort of unexpected classic sophistication and a manly air. Somehow the room still has a modern edge and manages to steer clear of being too stuffy. I suddenly found myself scrapping everything and imagining a gray/yellow/navy nursery. But could it work in a nursery? I decided to give it the good ol' Google try and search for some inspiration.

But do you know how hard it is to find gray, yellow and navy nurseries? Just about as hard as it was to find aqua/turquoise fabrics without pink or brown and in patterns that weren't too girly. And if you aren't into the whole nautical vibe (which we're so not), forget it.

I did manage to find a few inspiring photos...

(check out the floor-to-ceiling curtains with thick white and navy stripes)

(Michelle over at Three Men and a Lady managed to make her boys' room more "modern Nantucket" than "3-hour tour.")

But I was seriously running out of time (and energy) seeing as I was well into my third trimester and had to pull the trigger. Any trigger, really. One thing that hadn't changed since the beginning was our desire for a comfy-yet-modern nursery. A room that would not only mesh with the rest of our home, but would make the baby feel happy, relaxed and cozy. But that "comfy/cozy" part was tripping me up. Honestly, I felt like I was trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. I don't know if it was pregnancy brain or what, but I just could not figure out how to take the Manhattan-y sofistication and make it into more Montauk-y mellow.

So in the end, it just wasn't meant to be. Not in the nursery, at least. So don't be shocked if it appears in another redesign down the road (a nursery-to-big-boy-room transformation? a vintage-glam office?). We shall see.

Until then, stay tuned for the big nursery reveal!

We're gonna sip Bacardi like it's your berfday

2010-05-28T21:58:00.002-05:00

Only it's my birthday, and it's a dirty martini thankyouverymuch.

Yep, I'm officially no-longer-30 years old today. Woot. I personally love birthdays. It's an excuse to do whatever the hell you feel like (even if it is just to be a bum, run to Target with a Starbucks in hand, come home to plant a few flowers, then take a walk with G whilst jamming to an oldie-but-goodie "The O.C. mix" on my iPod. Ah, the good ol' days with Ryan, Marissa, Summer and Seth.).

So while this birthday may not involve a trip to Hilton Head Island, vacaying in a 6-bedroom beach house, and doing nothing but hang with friends, party, drink lots of frosty/fruity beverages, and completely forget about motherly duties for an entire week... it's still shaping up to be pretty rad (because when you have a holiday weekend birthday, it's only natural to celebrate for the entire four days).

Last night, the weather was amazing. We grilled out, shared a beer and then took a few pictures of G. The sun was gorgeous and I couldn't pass it up.

Please know that I'm not deliberately shunning A from pics lately, but seriously, this is what I get when I ask her to be in a picture.

G gave me the best birthday present EVER this morning... he slept in till 7:30! That's NINE hours, people! (Probably because the kid is a beefcake. SERIOUSLY. It's almost a joke how tiny he was when he was born. This kid is going to eat us out of house and home. I'm skerred.) Of course sleeping that long, my boobs were like rocks, but I'll deal with anything if it means 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Who knows if this will last, but I'm loving it for the moment (but hopefully it lasts once I go back to work...ugh, I even hate typing that word).

Tomorrow night, I'll be rocking my new pair of skinny jeans and headed out to dinner for sushi and steak. And of course, martinis. I don't do birthdays without martinis. Does anyone?? I think that's a sin in some religions. :)

1 month old

2010-05-14T18:59:00.000-05:00

How is it possible that my baby is 1 month old already? As Avery would say, "Are you serious?!" This month has completely flown by, and I just can only imagine how fast every month will feel from now on. It's strange... I feel like every day is a first and a last since Gavin is our last baby, so I'm really trying to soak up every little thing.

Gavin, you are the most amazing little man and we are so grateful to have you in our lives. We adore you and your big sister is so, so in love with you. You crack us up with your goofy expressions, grunty/snorty animal noises, disdain for nakedness, and constant looks of disgust when we put a bottle or binker in your mouth -- we promise, we are not poisoning you!

At 4 weeks old, you are still in newborn clothes (you are such a peanut!) but you definitely look like you've doubled in size since we brought you home. I seriously cannot get over how much you seem to grow week by week. We try to do tummy time at least once a day. You're never thrilled about it, but you take it in stride unlike your sister who screamed bloody murder the entire time -- every time. In fact, you usually zonk out halfway through. And your favorite activity is sleeping. (Mama thanks you!) For the first two weeks you'd wake up like clockwork at 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. Now you make it between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. If we could just find overnight diapers in newborn, we'd be all set I think.

As for me, I still suck at changing "dude" diapers. In the first week home, Gavin peed on everyone in the household including the cat. I've managed to contain the fountain, but somehow he still manages to leak it to the side and soak his entire back...all while keeping the washcloth completely dry. Quite the Houdini. Any moms of boys out there wanna share tips? I'm getting tired of daily laundry and constant costume changes.

Happy 1st month, little critter!

You gain some; you lose some

2010-05-11T11:50:00.001-05:00

So... as much as I hate to admit it, at Gavin's 2-week appointment, we discovered he hadn't gained a thing. Not a single ounce. He was still at his discharge weight of 7 lbs 7 ozs, but they're supposed to be back at their birth weight by then. Oops.

The thing is, he's just so relaxed and laid back that he never cries. Not when he's tired. Not when he's hungry. Not when he's stinky. Nothin'. (Okay, he cries for about two seconds when we change his diaper. The guy does NOT approve of nudity. He's our little Alex P. Keaton.) Anyway, so he just never cried, so I assumed he was getting what he needed when breastfeeding. Guess not. That's what's so tough about breastfeeding -- you have no clue how much they're eating; it can be a little stressful.

But we talked with the pediatrician and the hospital's lactation consultant, and came up with a plan to pump exclusively and supplement with formula when needed (for as long as needed). This past Friday we went back for a weight check and were so excited to hear that the plan worked! The little man put on almost half a pound in 6 days! So awesome.

Another thing that's awesome? At my 2-week appointment with the OB, I found out I'd lost weight. Forty-five pounds to be exact. I actually weigh less now than I did before I got pregnant. A little crazy, but after what my body went through during recovery and all the meds I was on, I guess it's not that big of a shock.

And honestly, I figure it's only fair. Had I gone through all that and had trouble dropping the pounds, I probably would've spiraled into a deep depression. Kidding. But it does put an extra spring in my step these days, that's for sure.

So yeah, 45 lbs is awesome, but clearly things are still poochy, strechy and saggy, so there's still much work to be done. Looks like I'll finally be giving that 30 Day Shred a try ... and taking the plastic wrap off after almost a year.

Three weeks old

2010-05-05T21:11:00.002-05:00

The birth story of Gavin Asher...

2010-05-01T14:45:00.000-05:00

...and my ridiculously slow return to the land of the living.

Wednesday, April 14
I had my 37 week appointment at 6:15 p.m. I had been on bedrest due to pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure, major swelling and protein in the urine), but the weather had been amazing, so I wasn't exactly the best bedrest patient (we took Avery to lunch and then to the library, and while she napped, Ryan and I sat outside on the patio reading books and did a little yard work).

At the appointment, I noticed my knees had disappeared. It's pretty common to lose sight of your ankles at the end -- especially with pre-e -- but losing the knees can't be a good sign. I had also gained more weight, for a grand total of 40 lbs. Um, not good. Then they took my blood pressure. After the nurse managed to wipe the look of horror off her face, she said she'd wait a minute and try taking it again. Um, gulp. She took it again, but it didn't matter. 195/104 is BAD.

The doctor came in and said she didn't like how things were looking, and that she wanted me to head to L&D (again) for monitoring. And that if things didn't improve, we were looking at a birthday TONIGHT. Cue the hormonal breakdown. Well, only I didn't break down. Quite the opposite actually. I walked out of there like a zombie. Baby? Tonight?! But what about May 1? What about my meeting tomorrow? What about the nursery that isn't quite finished? Um???

Somehow I managed to call my parents to pick up Avery (it was practically bedtime so we decided a "sleepover" was in order...and ice cream...I'm all for a bribe to ease the pain of a very confusing situation). We said our goodbyes because it was pretty obvious things were not going to improve and we would indeed be having the baby that night. We took our time getting ready at home, but I was sort of panicked. I had packed my hospital bag, and luckily after lots of nagging just a few hours before, Ryan had packed his too. But there were so many odds and ends too. Cameras, laptop, power cords, cell phones, pillow, etc. Finally we were ready, and got to the hospital around 8 p.m.

The checked us in and got us set up in our room. We joked about getting the corner unit and how private it was. So true since we were there much longer than we'd ever thought possible. The nurses started an IV (one of a zillion) and I got changed into one of those lovely gowns (again, one of a zillion I'd go through during my stay). Ryan and I watched part of the Tiger Woods E! True Hollywood Story, and then it was time. Around 10 p.m., they wheeled me into the operating room and got started.

My doctor and the nurses said they'd gotten me the very best anesthesiologist, but I beg to differ. The spinal sucked and hurt like hell going in. Then, instead of feeling all warm and fuzzy, I felt prickly and tingly. C-sections suck because you're in there with the team while they get everything ready to cut you open (and while they talk about their recent trip to Aspen...um, shut up). SO bizarre. Once I was on the table, super sucky anesthesiologist started another IV "just in case" (cuz that's what you want to hear before you go into a major surgery) which ended up blowing the vein about an hour later. Fun. But finally they brought Ryan in and put up the drape.

After way more tugging and pressure than with Avery, Gavin was born at 10:39 p.m. He cried immediately. So did we. It felt like such a long time coming. Such an incredible relief that he was finally here.

Recovery wasn't too bad initially. In fact, I don't remember a whole lot of it. So, while the anesthesiologist's spinal sucked, he totally redeemed himself with his after-surgery concoction. Kudos, pal. Seriously. In fact, the stuff was so good, I wasn't able to wrap my head around the fact that we'd had a BOY, not a girl. Every time I'd talk about him, I said "her" or "she." Ryan was about ready to slap me. But it was pretty clear that I wasn't in denial and it was just the drugs. Proven by the fact that when Ryan told me it was time to feed him, I once asked for a piece of cake, and another time told him to give Gavin some stickers. ?! Gotta love hallucination-inducing drugs. :)

Saturday, April 17
Unfortunately, the good feelings and fun times didn't last long. By Saturday, it was clear something wasn't quite right. I had a high fever, still had protein in my urine, my blood pressure was nuts, and my potassium and blood count were seriously low. My doctor was concerned because taking the baby out should resolve the pre-eclampsia, but in my case it seemed to still be there. Not good.

They pumped me full of IVs and pills -- antibiotics, iron, blood pressure meds, bags of blood, and potassium (which burns like a mother). Still no change.

Sunday, April 18
Gavin was doing great, but my symptoms went unchanged. So after 4 days -- the max for a c-section -- Gavin was discharged from the hospital. Luckily, they let him stay (I think they called him a "boarder" or "in-room boarding") since I was still there. I would've lost my mind if Ryan and Gavin had to leave.

Monday, April 19
After more of the same, it was clear all the IVs weren't doing a damn thing. Something else was wrong...they just weren't sure what. So, Monday morning, my doctor sent me for a CAT scan to see what was going on inside. And let me tell you, laying flat on a table with your arms up over your head when you've still got severe incision pain is SUPER fun. Especially when they tell you to take a deep breath and hold it for 5 seconds. When your doctor suspects pneumonia. Yeah. Good times.

The results came back: I had a touch of pneumonia (totally normal after a surgery since you can't get up to move around and breath deeply) which would be tackled by the antibiotics. But the big bummer was that I had a very significant hematoma behind my incision. And they thought the hematoma was infected or that my body was attacking it, which was causing the fever. Since the antibiotics were not helping, my doctor said she needed to go back in and get the blood out. Another freaking surgery.

Since I had just eaten lunch (and I use that word very loosely...blech), she scheduled the surgery for 8:30 p.m. I was just excited that we'd solved the problem and I'd be on the mend (and home) soon. But by 6 p.m., my doctor came back and said she was canceling the surgery. After talking with her colleagues and reviewing the CAT scan results again, she was worried that the hematoma was not where she originally thought, and instead, was mixed in with my muscle tissue. If this was the case, the surgery was going to be VERY dangerous. Um, scary! So we opted to do the "wait and see" method to see if it would dissipate on its own over time. And pray it didn't remain infected. UGH.

Tuesday, April 20
By Tuesday, I was doing everything possible to get out of there. They told me to do breathing exercises, I did breathing exercises. They told me to walk laps around the birthing center, I walked laps around the birthing center (pushing my IV pole the whole way, might I add). I was having so much guilt over the idea of not being home for Avery's birthday... I just HAD to get out of there.

This was the point that everyone started talking like I might actually go home the next day. This is the day I also saw a nephrologist and an infectious disease specialist. First, the nephrologist came in the morning, did some evaluations and concluded I had something called pregnancy-induced malignant hypertension. Apparently there's some correlation for some women between pre-eclampsia and post-partum renal failure. Um, fun. But he said there was a new medication that would solve the blood pressure issues almost immediately, and he could put me on meds for the potassium and iron once I got home. He said he was sure I'd go home Wednesday.

The infectious disease specialist agreed that the hematoma was a separate issue and was confident it would resolve itself. He too said he saw no issue with going home Wednesday.

BUT, the one thing they all agreed on (and had no control over) was that I had to stop spiking fevers and blood pressures for 24 hours. Easy, right? Yeah. After that, Ryan and I would practically hold our breath every time they took my temp and blood pressure. I think the nurses did too. But every time I'd have a stretch of great numbers, either a high blood pressure would pop up or I'd have just enough of a fever to ruin it, and we'd start all over again. It was seriously disheartening.

Wednesday, April 21
It was Avery's birthday, and I wasn't home. But I still had hopes that I might be discharged before the end of the day. Avery's visit at the hospital was tough though. I think all the IVs and seeing me stuck in bed (looking like ass I'm sure!) was really scary for her, which of course, hurt even more. But I tried to be understanding and was just so glad to see her face, talk to her, and see her excited about Gavin.

The other bummer about today was that my IVs were junk. They only last so long in their sites and need to be removed. But the question for everyone was do they remove them (and let me go home), or do we need to find new sites? At this point, they'd used practically every site possible. Every vein was bruised or blown. I'd had two in the top of each hand, one in each forearm, one on the side of my hand, and the insides of my elbows were mangled because of the twice-daily (or more) lab draws. There literally was nowhere else to go. And I honestly thought that because of that and because I was "close enough" on the no-fever/no-high bp thing, they'd let me go.

But around noon, the nurse came in with the anesthesiologist. Yes, that one. She said, "He's here to find the best vein and make sure we get another line in comfortably." Like they were doing me a favor. I about flipped out and said, "No! There's nowhere left! I thought I was leaving today!" He said, "No, sorry. Oh, and if I can't find a vein in your hands, I can easily go through the neck."

That's when I completely lost it. I was bawling. Big time. Huge sobs. He managed to get the IV in my hand (which again hurt like a mother... seriously this guy sucked) and actually tried consoling me. Yeah, pal. I'm sure you know how hard this is. Finally he left and my nurse tried to talk me down. I just kept crying, "I want to go home. I want to go home." She hugged me and told me they were doing all they could, and that I had to stay until it was safe for me to leave. I knew she was right but I felt completely defeated. Ryan climbed in bed with me till I fell asleep.

Thursday, April 22
Right before I went to bed Wednesday night, the nurses let me know that I'd gone 24 hours without a fever and without a high blood pressure reading! So I was fairly sure we'd be going home today, but I didn't want to jinx it.

First thing that morning, my doctor came in. The labs they drew at 5 a.m. looked great, and along with my good temps and bp, she was discharging me. I practically jumped out of bed and ripped out the IVs. The nurses had to come in and do the final evaluation and paperwork, but I started packing immediately. Ryan had to take Gavin for another biliruben check (yes, he had jaundice and spent two days on the lights while we were in the hospital -- because we didn't have enough drama already) and by the time he got back, the entire room was packed and ready to go.

It was kind of hilarious as we left... the nurses gave us hugs and I swear they were about to break out in applause. I guess when you're used to most of your patients leaving after 48 hours, it becomes a bit like a Discovery Health special when one of them is there for over a week.

Gavin's birth was a major ordeal that I'm still recovering from. I'm on 6 different meds to keep everything in check, and I have no idea when things will be normal again. What I do know that I'd do it all again for this little guy, it brought Ryan and I closer than I ever thought possible and... our family is now perfectly complete.

My cup runneth over for sure.

Introducing...

2010-04-28T16:03:00.001-05:00

Be careful what you wish for

2010-04-06T20:04:00.001-05:00

All my talk about me being sooooo ready and done with this whole thing? Yeah, it landed me a night in Labor & Delivery.

Yesterday, I had my routine 36 week appointment. This time, however, my OB was on vacation, so I saw the back-up doc. Also, this time around, I couldn't get an appointment for when Ryan could make it, so I went on my own with Avery. I should know better that anytime we change things up a bit, all hell can -- and will -- break loose.

So. I did the usual pee-in-a-cup fun, weight, etc. And then they did my blood pressure. 151/94. Not so great. It's been climbing higher and higher at each appointment, and this was the final straw I guess. The doctor called the on-call to get her thoughts after they found protein in the urine sample. Between the blood pressure and the protein, it was time to do the pre-eclampsia panel and send me to L&D for a non-stress test. Oh, and in the midst of all this, Avery had an accident. I mean, because there wasn't enough drama already.

Luckily, my mom came and picked up Avery from the clinic (with a clean pair of pants!) before I headed to the hospital. I figured I'd be there half an hour, and out the door. Wrong-o. My blood pressure got up to 160 and they said I'd have to stay all night for observation. AND a 24-hour urine collection. Because who doesn't like collecting pee?!

So that was my night. All is well. The little man passed the tests with flying colors even though I was having pretty strong contractions. And I was put on bedrest today and have to see what the doc and peri say tomorrow.

The bummer is that if things still don't look good, they'll have to take him via c-section probably next week. At the very least, I could be on bedrest till 39 weeks. And if one day of it is any indication, I could completely lose my mind before 39 weeks. I seriously don't know how people stay on bedrest for weeks or months at a time. And being in the hospital for just one night in that horrific bed makes me really bummed about possibly spending 4 days there after another c-section.

So it's probably a no-go for the VBAC. But I'm just trying to stay focused on what's best for him. If he needs to come out, we'll do the c-section and I'll just suck it up. I think what's really freaking me out most though is that he could be here in a week! I need to get my ass in gear...

I'll feel better once I know what exactly we're dealing with tomorrow. Till then...

P.S. If you're ever headed to L&D for a simple test, make sure you take food! I was there for 14 hours and if Ryan hadn't brought me a bunch of snacks, I'm pretty sure they would've let me starve to death.

The Nursery, Part 1: The Obsession Begins

2010-03-29T18:28:00.000-05:00

When I first thought about what I wanted for the nursery, I envisioned a comfy-yet-modern, bright-but-not-blinding, white room. This picture started it all.

{from in the fun lane}

That's where the tissue pom obsession began. And the love of all things turquoise. But that’s also where the love affair with white ended. I just didn’t think it would jive with the rest of our house, and I was really afraid it would look either too cold and institutional or too shabby chic (which, once we found out we were having a boy, would’ve really been bizarre… But I’m jumping ahead of myself).

So if the walls weren’t going to be white, what color would they be? That’s when I found my second inspiration. I’m currently obsessed with yellow, so an all-out hyperventilating session began when I saw this.

{from megan creates}

It’s just so cheery, isn’t it? And I loved the robin’s egg walls with the (many) pops of yellow. After lots of searching (okay, obsessing) I thought these fabrics would be awesome with an aqua wall. (By the way, do you know how hard it is to find aqua/turquoise fabric WITHOUT pink or brown mixed in? And a neutral pattern that isn't too girlie?? OMG, it's nearly impossible.)

So I started thinking that we’d do Benjamin Moore Robin’s Nest on the walls and either pops of yellow (for a girl)…

{from armelle jewelry}

or pops of red (for a boy).

{couldn't find any nurseries in turquoise and red, so this adorable poster was my inspiration}

But. Again, my vision got a little derailed. While I was loving the yellow accents, I wasn’t 100% sold on the aqua/turquoise as the main color since I just didn’t “feel” it blending with the rest of our home, and the fabric was posing to be much more difficult than I thought (I really wanted to see the fabric in person and not have to rely 100% on buying online). Plus, was the combo a little too fem? And honestly, I wasn’t sold on the red option either (although, oddly enough, our Christmas card this year was blue/white/red), so when we found out we were having a boy it really kind of threw everything up in the air (and those adorable poms out the door--boo).

So… after what seemed like hundreds of paint chips and weeks spent Googling different color combinations for inspiration, we decided on...

grey walls with yellow accents! Final answer, Regis! :)

Sure, we’re not exactly blazing the trail on the grey/yellow/white combo, but we both love it and it had all the elements we were looking for:

- Blend well with the rest of our home’s look/feel? Check.
- Comfy yet modern, bright but not blinding? Check.
- Neutral but not boring, modern but not girlie? Check.

Grey/yellow was also something I could see working with our cherry nursery furniture, which I just couldn’t wrap my head around with the turquoise/yellow. (If money was no object, we would’ve bought all new white, modern furniture since we finally seem to know our decorating style now...and clearly didn't 4 years ago when we picked out Avery's furniture). But it would’ve been crazy not to use the cherry furniture that was in perfect condition and just sitting in the basement).

So with the cherry a definite part of the nursery, (and cherry is a color in its own right, meaning it would’ve totally competed with the turquoise and yellow) we knew a neutral grey would work perfectly.

Inspiration…

{from little papercuts}

{dwell}

{Domino mag by jenna lyons}

We finally had our inspiration and an agreement on colors! Time to get started, right? Yes... Until this little number appeared in our mailbox and had me rethinking everything.

Stay tuned for The Nursery, Part 2!

You know you’re in the home stretch when...

2010-03-18T23:31:00.001-05:00

everything makes you want to cry.

This has just been an insanely busy week, but when you add pregnancy and hormones to the mix, it’s just a recipe for disaster.

Like I said, this week was crazy. I produce a live quarterly webcast for work, and with live stuff you just never know what’s going to happen. At the rehearsal, everything seemed fine, but we had no sound on the user’s end. At the live event, we had sound and video, but there was a moment when the client thought the wrong script had been fed into the teleprompter. ACK! Luckily, it was right and everything was fine. I’m also the editor of a publication which went to print yesterday while I’m also trying to put the finishing touches on yet another video news program that I produce and have talent coming in to shoot for today.

On the personal side, Avery’s been acting out on me this week (last night before bed she told me, “I’m trying to be nice, but I just can’t.” mmmkay) and today’s the anniversary of my BFP for the baby we lost in May.

Um, cue the waterworks.

Normally this stuff wouldn’t be a huge deal. I’m used to juggling 10 things at once, but right now, I’m barely sleeping, I have no energy, my body hurts, my ankles are two sizes too big… and I probably still have six more weeks of hearing the uncontrollable laughter of people after I tell them when I’m due. Really, not what I need, people.

Thank God for whoever had the genius idea to continuously loop the Real Housewives so that there's always a new season. I don't care whether it's OC, Atlanta, New York or Antarctica. That crazy drama turns this frown upside down every time.

Good cause + good food = no brainer

2010-03-08T20:06:00.002-06:00

There's this blog I read almost daily: TSJ Photography. Tracie is an amazing photographer, but she's incredibly inspiring in so many other ways. She's always posting something thought provoking or even just silly stories about her four girls {FOUR girls! Can you imagine?! And she still finds time to blog, travel, give back and do her photography... Phew! ...I feel like a sloth LOL}. But it's always a good time over there.

Anyway, she and I met when she was the owner of Broadway Paper. She was so kind to embrace my cause of pediatric stroke awareness and had her employees sell AHA hearts to raise money for the Heart Walk. And when she sold the business, I continued to follow her new photography adventures.

The last thing you'd think about this woman who seems to have an unending supply of energy is that she has MS. And as MS Awareness Week starts today, March 8, I wanted to do something to help with her cause {this simple post is hardly much, but hopefully a handfull of people will see it and learn something about MS, or at the very least, participate in the yummy Chipotle promotion}.

Yep, six Chipotle locations throughout Wisconsin will donate 50% of your purchase to the National MS Society when you present the coordinating flyer on Tuesday, March 9 between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. How cool is that? And who doesn't like Chipotle?!

Each participating location requires their own flyer. Click on the appropriate following city to download the flyer:

Appleton
Madison :: East Washington & Frontage Rd.
Madison :: State Street
Milwaukee :: Bluemound & Moorland Rd.
Milwaukee/Brookfield :: 124th & Capitol
Racine

Please pass along the news to help spread awareness (and fill your belly), and stop over at Tracie's blog for some good ol' inspiration!

Pregnancy: 31 weeks

2010-03-03T20:19:00.003-06:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Things around here are getting dicey. And by "dicey," I mean crazy. And crazy has been taken to a whole new level by yours truly. {sigh}

Oh Brooke does these fun pregnancy posts called, "What I Know Now" (if you don't know about Oh Brooke, you should. She's one of the queens of all things design. Seriously, she does everything from web design to decorating for home design shows, and her nursery decor posts have been really inspiring).

Anyway, the whole premise of the "What I Know Now" series seem to be just that – random thoughts based on what she knows about her pregnancy at that given moment. So I figured I'd give it a shot seeing as I have a million random thoughts going through my mind at any given moment, and what better theme to focus on than my latest bout with insanity? They say to write what you know, so let’s have at it, shall we?

1. Little man moves all.the.time. It makes me wonder if he'll ever sleep. Ryan can see him moving even when I’m covered up with a blanket on the couch. My coworkers can see him moving from across the aisle. Heck, even the guy at the gas station can see him moving.

And it's so different from what I felt with Avery. Her movements were always defined kicks or punches (and honestly, the most discomfort I remember was that her head was jammed up into my ribs). His movements are more like rolls (which can be painful in their own right, don't get me wrong). It feels like a bowling ball rolling around when it's his body, and a bunch of marbles when it's his knee/foot/fists. Of course, that description sounds pretty soft and sweet, but really it can be pretty painful and surprising. Because this kid is STRONG. And hopefully highly motivated to come out early…which brings us to…

2. I'm convinced he's coming early (what a sad puddle o' mess I'll be if that doesn't actually happen, right?) even though when we saw the perinatologist today, he said he's still measuring on track. UGH. But I can't seem to shake the feeling that he's going to come early and I'll have nothing ready. So much so that I teared up last weekend when Ryan said he’d work on the nursery trim NEXT weekend.

Yes, there were actual tears about to roll down my cheeks because I wanted the project done NOW. I went on and on about "But I can't DO anything in there until the trim's up because all the furniture is in the middle of the room and it's a mess and I need to put everything in place and then move things around a hundred times and then decide I don't like that and move everything back and then finish organizing the closet and then make a new crib skirt because I don't love the first one I made and then stand back and watch my head explode." Yep, CRAZY.

Even if he does come early, I’m still only 31 weeks now. And they don't consider babies full-term until 37 weeks. So that still gives me, like, a month and a half at the least. {zen now, please}

3. I seem to be on a two-hour pee schedule. You really could set a clock to me. Luckily, at night I'm able to stretch that to four hours. Ah, nature's adorable way of preparing us for complete sleep deprivation. Fun!

4. I have officially entered the "wheels for feet" stage of pregnancy. I haven't been able to wear my wedding rings for a few weeks, but that happened gradually. With my feet, it seemed to happen overnight. Last week while we were giving Avery a bath, I looked down at my feet and gasped, "Oh my gosh, look at my ankles!" Or should I say, 'Look at where my ankles used to be.' Ugh, not cool. But even with the swelling last week, my doctor said my blood pressure was fine. At today's peri appt? Not so much. So if my blood pressure continues to rise, I'm not 100% sure what could happen, but I'm guessing there could be bed rest involved. And that would make my blood pressure spike even more considering where we stand with the nursery. Again, zen please.

5. I’m starting to freak out about labor. Specifically, the VBAC. I've been having these feelings that maybe I'm being selfish in wanting to experience labor. That maybe the risks aren't worth the experience, and I should just suck it up and go with the scheduled c-section. That since his head is measuring on the big side, he may get stuck during labor and end up with a brain bleed. {Yes, these are my real, rational-yet-irrational thoughts.} She said something like that happening is a less than 1% chance. I then reminded her that we don't "do" percentages seeing as Avery had a stroke in utero and the chance of that happening is something like .0003% (don't quote me on that since I suck at math, but you get the point). Touche, right?

Well, she still managed to ease my fears and tell me that there is nothing selfish about a VBAC, c-sections have their own set of risks, and that we will manage the VBAC every step of the way to make sure things go as smoothly as possible. Plus, I can always labor and then choose the c-section at any point. So that's the plan. For now. ;)

6. Going through baby clothes is EMOTIONAL. I never thought I'd be one of those people going through tiny clothes and getting all mushy. Boy was I wrong. I went through about 4 tubs of Avery's baby stuff last weekend and could not stop myself from gasping and turning to Ryan screaming, "Oh my gosh, do you remember this outfit?!" and "Awwwww, look at how tiny her coming home outfit was!" and "Ooooooh, her first pair of espadrilles!" (Yes, her first pair of shoes were little espadrilles from Gymboree. And they were totally gushworthy. Damn cute; ask anyone!) I doubt he was as touched by the 900 momentus items, but at least he played along.

7. I am officially pre-registered at the hospital, have one perinatology appointment left, hit the twice-monthly OB appointment milestone, made my maternity leave plans and began working on my birth plan (which is what prompted the VBAC freak out--some of those questions are crazy! NO, I don't want to labor on a toilet! And hell to the no on that question about a mirror! I don't even want to know.) It's March and we're officially in the home stretch...and it's a little scary.

Next time I promise to post the mood boards for the nursery (the one I started with, the one I switched to after being totally possessed by the March issue of House Beautiful, and the one I ended up with).

The little things

2010-02-20T07:04:00.000-06:00

To be honest, I was nervous about this week. Ryan was out of town from Sunday through Saturday, and being almost 30 weeks pregnant, I was kind of freaked about being over-tired, not being able to handle the 3-year-old meltdowns, bath time, sassiness… in general, just being all alone with zero breaks for 168 hours (not that I was counting) with the ever-dramatic youngster.

But instead of meltdowns, tantrums and sleepless nights (well, there were some sleepless nights, but I might as well get used to that, right?), our girls' week ended so much better than I ever could have imagined.

Not to sound all crazy sappy (blame the hormones), but I am quickly realizing just how little time is left with my baby girl before she's, well, no longer the baby. Lately, I feel like we're on a speeding train headed straight into family-of-foursome. No time to stop and look around. No time to take it all in before things forever change...

Sometimes I think it's fate for us to be "forced" into stopping and smelling the roses. I've been so busy working on the nursery, going to doctors appointments, traveling for work... I really needed this. These little memories couldn't have come at a better time, and when life gets totally crazy in just a few short weeks, I don't want to forget the little things like...

...Walking into her room early in the morning while it's still dark and getting a giant sleepy hug...

...Snuggling in bed with her while watching Blues Clues and sharing a bowl of oatmeal...

...Laughing over her morning "Bob Marley hair" and creating a plan of attack for the day: braids, pigtails or ponytail...

...Singing "Fireflies" by Owl City an every ride to school. And home. And just about everywhere. (She knows all the words.)...

...The multiple rounds of kisses and hugs during morning drop-off...

...Just getting to soak up all the Avery-isms -- the dancing, the singing, the crazy hair, that smile, the belly laugh, the kisses and hugs on my belly (because "baby brother, I love you")... This child just makes my heart so, so happy...

Operation: Declutter

2010-02-13T21:20:00.000-06:00

Just to put it out there, "Operation: Declutter" could also be called "Operation: Can of Worms." Wow.

The transformation of guest room/office to nursery is taking a whole lot longer than I ever imagined. Why? Because I completely underestimated the amount of crap we've been hauling around for nearly 10 years and how much of that said crap somehow ended up in our guest room/office and that closet.

The worst part about this revalation? I'm not even a pack rat. Hubs says I actually throw out too much sometimes ("Honey, where's that bank statement?" "You mean the one I just shredded?" Yeah...) so I can't even imagine how horrifying this closet would be if I was in fact a pack rat. (It also helped that we've only lived here for a little over a year. Had we lived here for more than that, I probably would've had to call a professional de-clutter-er or something. Is there such a thing? There should be.)

Even still, about two weeks into the project, I decided that maybe I was expecting too much too soon. I have a full-time job outside the home, a 3-year-old, and I'm 7 months pregnant. That leaves about 1 or 2 hours a night to dig through things. As true as that excuse may be, unfortunately, the little man isn't going to delay his entrance into the world just because his room decor is taking too long. So? We began tackling the ~~beast~~ nursery in stages.

Stage 1: Assess the damage

Luckily, my first day of Christmas vacation was actually hubs' third day, and with the kid still in school, we got quite a bit done. Those first two days while I was still at work, the room got a fresh coat of primer and two coats of gray paint, which made the room look a thousand times better. Hubs painted the trim and installed the pretty new six-paneled closet doors while I contemplated how best to handle the sweet, innocent mess of mayhem known as the file cabinet.

That thing is the bane of my existance. As much as I'd love to say I'm the organized, labeling, file cabinet-loving Holly Hobby type, um, I'm not. I pay the bills and save whatever statements need to be saved... but that's as far as it goes. Those statements and any other "file-worthy" thing make it to the file cabinet, but not actually in the file cabinet. After I pay the bills, anything that needs to be shredded, I add to the "shred" pile. Needs to be filed? You guessed it. Into the "file" pile. Nice system, right?

What happens is that after a year, your filing cabinet is really just a small table with filing possibilities and a one-foot-high stack of important stuff ready to tip over at any moment. Awesome when you have to look for that important test result from the doctor or the paid gas bill from three months ago. "No problem! I'll get back to you in two weeks."

So? I assessed the damage. Not too surprisingly, there was a one-foot-high stack of important stuff on top of a very well organized (and sturdy, might I add) filing cabinet. Fun stuff. I pulled out the trusty shredder and hauled it out to the living room, plopped down the gigantic pile of papers and a few file folders from the first row of the drawer, popped in The Holiday (I love me some Jude Law), and started sorting/shredding (Step 2).

Step 2: Sort and shred

This is pretty much a no brainer (which is why I was able to simultaneously watch The Holiday and not shred my fingers into tiny, bloody nubs), but it must be done. Like-bills were grouped with like-bills, bank statements were stapled and put in order according to month, and anything too old got the boot. "Too old" included payment stubs from my first car, a year's worth of bank statement from an account that we closed like 7 years ago, and paystubs from hubs' first job (and second, third and who knows how many other jobs). We did make an exception for the first one from when he worked at Bay Hill though. Hey, when you and Arnold Palmer are on a first name basis, you save the lame souvenier.

Anyway, the floor was completely covered in piles of beautifully organized, mind-numbingly boring important documents. Yay!

Step 3: Organize
Once I tossed everything we didn't need, the organizing went ridiculously fast. And because I had been somewhat organized at some other point in my life, I only had to make up labels for two or three new folders. Everything else fit perfectly. Bonus? After having "trash" thrown all over the house, the quick clean-up made it seem like we had just scrubbed the floors with a toothbrush. Sparkly.

Even though those simple three steps ended up taking waaaaay longer than I had hoped, the nursery is coming along and we're ~~one~~ three steps closer to really digging in and starting on the fun stuff.

Up next? Inspiration boards! Ultimate fun for the indecisive, neurotic pregnant woman. Get ready.

Pregancy: Week 28

2010-02-10T20:06:00.002-06:00

{baby's the size of an eggplant}

There's not too much to report since I just did an update about a week ago. But we saw the perinatologist last week and thought I'd report the latest on the little man.

First of all, as much as I really hate to admit it, Ryan was right. As scared as I was of "Franc" (seriously, the guy came straight off the boat from The Netherlands and looked alarmingly like the the Mad Hatter), the third peri was by far the nicest and most down to earth. And by down to earth, I mean he didn't look at us like we had 3 heads when we asked questions like, "How does his brain look?" or "What does 'FL' mean?" I hate that most doctors end up making me feel so stupid that I end up just sitting there in silence. This is probably our last and final baby, so I'd like to soak in as much as possible. Not sure why that's so beyond crazy to them.

Anyhoo, little man looks great, as does my fluid, the cord, and my placenta moved all the way up. Totally out of the way and no worries for delivery now. Which brings me to the other news... I officially signed my life away and submitted consent for the VBAC. It's so bizarre that for how much can go wrong with a vaginal birth and for how serious a c-section is -- I mean, come on, it's major surgery -- they still make the VBAC sound as horrific as base jumping. Yeah, I don't think so. If it was that dangerous, doctors, hospitals and especially insurance companies wouldn't allow it.

Oh, and little man is still fairly big. He's weighing in at 2 lbs 11 ozs (about half a pound more than they say is average at 28 weeks) and measuring about a week or so ahead of schedule, so yay!

Not so much "yay"? The fact that his head is measuring about 2 weeks ahead. Freakin' awesome. (Nothing to worry about brain-wise; it's totally genetic from my side of the family. We're known for having giant egg heads. To fit our giant brains. Uh huh.) But seriously, doctors should be banned from ever telling pregnant women this stat. You know, because we're a tad bit antsy about this whole birth thing anyway. Might want to keep the "giant head" thing on the down low.

Pregnancy: Week 27

2010-02-01T19:29:00.001-06:00

It's really hard to believe I've made it to the 3rd trimester already. I guess that's what happens when you try to completely ignore the entire 1st trimester. It basically leaves you with two-thirds of a pregnancy... and a whole lot to do in a short amount of time.

So, what does entree into the 3rd trimester mean? Well, for me, it means passing the 1-hour glucose test. Woot! SO happy about that. ...and so are all the Girl Scouts I promised like 50 boxes from.

Also with the glucose test is an iron test and some other stuff. Turns out my iron is suuuuuper borderline low. Like, 0.2 points below the low end of the range. The doctor asked if I've been extra tired lately. Um, yeah, but I'm pretty sure it's because I have a very active almost-4 year old who wakes up every night (FIVE times to be exact the other night). Oh, and that full-time job, maintaining a house, stressing about therapies, keeping up with the Kardashians... yeah, I'm tired. But what's new?

Well, she said I could try a slow release iron pill and see if it helped. Maybe it was the fact that A actually slept through the night last night, but WOW, I seriously feel like a new woman. I'm still a tad tired, but not zombie-like tired. We'll see if this lasts...

Oh, and I added the DHA supplements starting this week too. So, that brings me to ::Grizwold-style drum roll please:: 10 vitamins/supplements/pills a day. My day-of-the-week pill holder rivals any 90-year-old's, I promise you. And to accomodate all that fun, I've moved up to the most obnoxious "cup" we have in the house. A 32-ounce cup. I have no idea where it came from, but Ryan just informed me it's the cup he uses to "feed" the Christmas tree. Sweet. Yes, I could've refilled our regular, normal-people glasses a few times each "vitamin feeding," but honestly, that would require way too much effort to get off the couch. Many times. No thanks.

The Good
It's quite possible we have decided on a name. First and middle. ::Cue the angels singing and the clouds parting:: This is a major improvement over the state of the names at this point of the pregnancy with Avery. (The short version is that we went in with about five names, still undecided the day of my c-section, but figured we'd "know" when we met her. Four days later as they're discharging me, we finally decided and agreed on a name.) I still won't go as far as to paint the name on the nursery wall or order monogrammed jammies for the guy, but I'd say we have something pretty concrete to test out when we do meet him. And if it doesn't seem to fit, we have two as backups.

The nursery is making big progress. This weekend we moved all of the office furniture out (desk, computer, printer, file cabinet) out and into the new "office" (more to come on that later). The latest issue is trying to figure out where all the baby furniture will work. I spent Friday night moving the crib, chair and changing table around the room for different options. After about 30 minutes I was in pain and the furniture was back to where it started. No fun either way. I'm also REALLY second-guessing the wall color. I even went and picked up paint swatches tonight. Ryan is seriously going to kill me. Unless I whack myself first. I'm truly driving myself insane. I didn't even know that was possible, but yes, pregnancy makes you borderline insane/bipolar. It's good times, people.

The Bad
Heartburn is officially setting in. They say heartburn = hair. A hairy baby. Um, ew.

The Ugly
In addition to worrying my baby will emerge a little Yeti, I'm nearly positive Mr. Man is a full blown teenager already. Seriously, I have so many hormones raging through me lately, I look like a middle school band geek. And we'll see just how ginormous he is at tomorrow's peri appt. Be afraid. Be very afraid...

Oh, and that photo at the top? That's me (duh). Only not recently. To be exact, it was 4 years ago this weekend that Ryan and I went to the beach (clearly while we lived in FL) and snapped some maternity pics while I was pregnant with Miss A. How on earth has it been FOUR YEARS??

zOMG, run for your lives!

2010-01-18T18:52:00.003-06:00

I did something very odd for a 6-month-pregnant woman today. I bought 10 pregnancy tests.

Ok, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out they weren't for me. Just a random hook up for a friend who isn't lucky enough to have the awesomeness that is known as the Dollar Store near her.

Anyhoo, you'd expect to get some really strange comments from people, right? (Although to be really honest, once I was in that aisle, I made it very clear I was looking at the pregnancy tests and not the godawful creams and whatnot right below them. Seriously, puke. Definite lesser of two evils, folks.) Oh, and I added a cool pencil box for the office and a Tweety Bird cup to my basket so I didn't look like a total weirdo going to the Dollar Store just for pregnancy tests. (Then again, that's the exact reason I went there not too long ago. I digress.)

But as I made my way to the checkout, I expected needing to explain myself or preempt the "witty" comment from the checkout lady with an equally good zinger... but, um, nope. Nada. Oddly enough, I got way more looks walking through the store before and after the pregnancy test aisle. Just me and my belly. How weird is that?

Apparently, being pregnant is pure CRAZINESS. Being pregnant and buying 10 pregnancy tests (plus a Tweety Bird cup)? Not so much.

It's so strange. Recently, I've noticed people looking at me. Okay, downright staring. Like I'm some sort of creature from beyond. It's become like living in a fishbowl... The tiniest fishbowl on earth... And I'm frickin' Godzilla.

For some reason, from the first moment you even start showing a glimmer of pregnancy, everything about you suddenly becomes public knowledge. The exact date this T-Rex will come shooting out into the world. The exact size of said T-Rex. Whether it’s blue or pink. Plans for names, social security numbers and planned college admissions. People seem to do everything but check under the hood. I mean, people don’t ask about our walking, talking, 3-year-old ball of cuteness as much as they ask about this banana-sized thing in my belly. Trust me, I completely get the awesomeness of pregnancy and life and all that, but I really don't understand the unabashed fascination that leaves people walking past me in the hall with their jaw dragging on the ground.

In the past week or two, the “looks” have gone from quick glances like, "Is she pregnant?" to "HOLY CRAP, look at that woman! I can't believe they let her out of the cage! Run for your lives!" And I can only imagine it’s going to get worse.

Last week at work as I was walking to get coffee (half decaf, people) and this woman completely stared me down as she walked towards me. I was in mid sentence with my friend when I stopped, looked at her and was like, "Tell me you saw that." She saw it and completely agreed that was NOT in my head. And then two seconds later, a guy looked at me like I was from Mars too.

What the hell people?! I've only gained maybe 10 lbs this whole pregnancy, so I know it's not that. What is so strange about a pregnant woman?! Can't we go back to when we all considered pregnancy the miracle of life, gave a quick "awww" smile and nod to the mommy-to-be, and went on our damn way??

Anyone else feel like a total freak of nature? I'm seriously not sure I can take this for 15 more weeks!

Side note: I'm quickly thinking of changing this post's picture from Godzilla to the little tap dancing alien that pops out of the guy's stomach at the end of Spaceballs... Mr. Man is bouncing around so much I swear he's about to bust through. Yow. Maybe he likes Godzilla? More likely he's going to be the size of Godzilla... I'm skerred.

Polly wants a cracker

2010-01-11T20:29:00.001-06:00

She's hit that age. The age where you can't keep anything quiet because she can't keep anything quiet. Seriously, the little parrot is spillin' the beans about anything and everything, so watch out.

Most of her blabbermouthyness has been pretty funny.

Driving home from school the other day...
A: "Daddy went a different way to school today."
Me: "Oh really? What way did he go?"
A: "The way through Old McDonalds."
Me: "Interesting..."

As I'm opening one of my Christmas presents...
A: "I know what that is."
Me: "You do, huh?"
A: "Yep, it's a picture frame for me and baby brother."
Hubs: "Thanks a lot!"

Chatting over dinner tonight...
Me: "Did you play with Connor at school today?" (she had a playdate the day before and threw a fit when it was time to leave, so we told her she could play with him at school the very next day)
A: "No."
Me: "Why?"
A: "Because I was too busy playing with Tyler and Derek."
Me: "Oh really."
A: Yeah. And [squishing her face up really tight] Derek gives me sooo many hugs every day."
Me: "Interesting. I think you'll have to show daddy which one is Derek tomorrow."

Like I said, all cute and funny.

Till she started blabbing about our top secret baby names. Yeah. Lesson learned: There are NO secrets with a 3-year-old.

Pregnancy: 23 weeks

2010-01-05T20:51:00.002-06:00

I'm well into my 5th month and over halfway through this pregnancy. Ca-razy. Little man is moving all the time and it's clear that he is growing like a grizzly bear. Proof? See above.

He's now affectionately called "Bruiser" and I just have this fear that he'll be giganto. Like over 9 lbs giganto. And the kid is constantly moving around -- kicking, punching and flipping -- he's a busy guy! I fear the day he runs out of room -- those little punches are gonna hurt! And I kid you not when I say that he already throws some pretty good punches that take my breath away. I feel like a freak gasping for air in my cube at work...I'm sure my coworkers are like, "What the hell??" We can now see him move from the outside (it's a bit like Alien, but cool nonetheless) and my poor belly button is easily now an outtie. There are some days I look down at my belly, then look pathetically at the hubs and say, "How is it possible for me to get any bigger??" Scary, but it's gonna happen.

We had our monthly perinatology appointment today (finally...after waiting 45 minutes...yeah) and everything looks great with the baby. Unfortunately the doctor couldn't quite see if my placenta had moved, so we have to go back again in a month (not too big of a deal since they really wanted us to come in monthly to check the brain anyway -- the baby's, not mine).

But speaking of brains... the whole pregnancy brain thing is so real it isn't even funny. I've always been a little absent minded to begin with, but when you add PB into the mix, it's utterly frightening. Every week it manifests itself in something different. This week? Driving. The other day as I was pulling out of my parking spot at work (luckily on the street and double-luckily that there wasn't a car parked behind me), looked out into the street to make sure no cars were coming, gave it some gas, and flew BACKWARDS. Um, yeah. I slammed on the brake, did one of those slow and not so incognito did-anyone-see-that checks, put it in drive this time, and was on my way.

I loathe being a ditz, but apparently there is no getting around it now. PB is in full effect. Clear the roads, people!

Luckily, I seem capable of cleaning out the guest room closet and working on the nursery. We're making progress -- nothing too exciting yet -- but it's slow and steady. And I've decided to tackle some bedding basics since I can't find what I'm looking for. Wait a second... the sewing machine has a sort of gas pedal right?? Oh save us all! At least I can't hurt anyone but myself... or so you'd think...

Ringing in the new year with reno

2009-12-31T17:37:00.002-06:00

It seems that upon moving into our house last year we unknowingly started a tradition – tackling some sort of renovation project on new year’s eve.

Last year when we moved in, our laundry room/mud room looked like this (please note the lovely GRAY ceiling):

After our new year’s eve reno party, it looked like this (proving that hideous laminate cabinets CAN be painted!):

And now like this:

It’s still not 100% done (obviously all of the trim still has to be switched to white, we need a real shade on the window, etc.) but I’d say it’s not too shabby for an evening of priming/painting and a few accessories.

The folding table we installed over the washer and dryer came out great. (Can you believe it's actually an old door the previous owners left in the basement?!)

The seagrass rug is from World Market (I got the idea from Dusty at All Things G&D who got the idea from the uber famous Young House Love) -- originally $10 per 1' x 9' piece (they cut to size) but when we went to buy it, it was 50% off!

I found the bench at Target on clearance for $30.

Oh, and the paint color is Sherwin Williams Lauren's Surprise. LOVE it.

So that was last year. This year? Our big new year’s eve plans were to paint the nursery, but it turns out we’re just so awesome that we actually got the painting done over Christmas break (pictures to come). Yay! So instead of painting, our “reno” will be more like “redo”…a little light redecorating.

We’ll be moving the guest bed into the kiddo's room (I pray a bigger bed = better sleep – she’s been waking up almost every night yelling, “It’s all messed up guys! It’s all messed up!” (her sheets). Actually pretty funny, but we’re starting to hit that sleep-deprived state that’s not so funny, so time for a change.

Then we’ll move the crib into the nursery and get it all set up. Hopefully once that’s done and in position, the rest of the room will come together. I have a nursery mood board I’ll share a little later that pretty much maps everything out, but I suck at the whole visual/spatial thing, so I really just need to bring things in, try them out and see how they work.

And just to show you how bad the room was when we bought the place… who doesn’t love puke-colored walls? Seriously, how ghetto was that room?

It can only go up from there, right? Stay tuned… and happy new year!

Is anyone else ringing in 2010 with some reno/redo or are we the only weirdos?

New look

2009-12-31T14:09:00.000-06:00

Well, sort of. A new header at least. I’ve been meaning to change things up a bit for a loooong time, but just haven’t gotten around to it. I got to the point of being SO sick of the old header and page colors, I just threw something together in one of my new favorite color combos (yellow and slate/bluish gray) and called it a day. Is it sad that even though it took me less than 5 minutes, I’m a thousand times happier now?

You’ll notice the beloved stripes are still there though. What is it about stripes? Hmmm. I'm sure I'll tweak things some more, but at least there's something new and refeshing for now.

Anyway, here’s to a fresh new start for 2010!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-23T16:35:00.002-06:00

The big reveal...

2009-12-08T19:39:00.001-06:00

Oh, and was there stuff to reveal! We saw the baby wave to us, suck it's thumb, kick and punch. We saw the brain (so far so good!), the heart's chambers, two kidneys, lips, eyes, everything.

But what do you think was the very first thing we saw?

Yep, the very first thing we saw was the money shot -- definite BOY parts. Hello, baby boy!

And it's quite possible he will be a BIG boy. I'm measuring over a week ahead and based on the doctor's measurements at this appointment, he's saying April 25 (versus my OB who says May 5 even though I've been measuring May 1 all along...got all those dates??). My due date with Avery was April 27. And while she was breech and I went in for a scheduled c-section a week early, I was having regular contractions that morning and the nurse said they would've admitted me to L&D. So... it's quite possible we could have birthday twins in our household! Crazy, huh?

Ryan is ecstatic. Beyond ecstatic. We're so relieved he looks normal and healthy! And I'm quickly coming around on the idea of a little guy terrorizing the house. ;) It definitely sucks that I can't reuse anything from when Avery was a baby, but a little shopping never hurt a girl, right?

I think it's safe to say it's on to the nursery. We've already decided on the paint and a general plan, so we'll probably start working on that around Christmas. And of course, names. In fact, I can hear Ryan in the living room right now bouncing names off of Avery LOL. Hopefully we'll come to a final decision well before he's born (unlike with Avery who was just "Baby E" for the first three days of her life because her deadbeat parents could NOT agree on a name). Although, to be fair, the real reason is because she didn't look like ANY of the names we went in with! (I always thought people who said their baby didn't "look" like a certain name were totally on drugs. Yeah...)

Yay! One of each. And maybe a little less girl-fueled drama (Avery's got PLENTY of that for the entire house lately...4 is going to be an interesting year).

The BIG question

2009-12-01T18:50:00.001-06:00

So obviously the BIG question on everyone's mind is: Is it a boy or a girl??

Great question. ;) I wish I knew. But we will next week! So I thought it'd be fun to see what everyone thinks we're having. The vote buttons are over on the right side under the About Me section. Take a stab at it, then come back next week to see if you were right!

A few old wives tale (OWT)-related tidbits that may (or may not) help you make a guess...

I've had pretty frequent headaches. {OWT says girl}
I had the same types of cravings this time as I did with Avery (lots of bland sandwiches, cereal, bagels... clearly lots of carbs), but nothing super weird.
I seriously craved Nerds during the first trimester. {OWT says girl}
The baby's heart rate has always been 150s-160s. {OWT says girl}
My "morning" sickness was more in the evening, but it never got so bad that I got sick. {OWT says boy?}
The Chinese Gender Chart says I should be having a boy. {It was correct in guessing Avery was a girl.}

Pregnancy: Week 18

2009-12-01T17:35:00.000-06:00

{baby's the size of a sweet potato}

This week was full of emotions (yes, again...I promise, it's not a pattern). Movement completely changed this week. Instead of full on fist pokes and foot jabs to my nether regions, things became much more "thud-like" and less frequent. I thought I was feeling movement up higher too, but wasn't sure. I tried to hold it together, but there was a day or two where I felt NOTHING. If you've been through a loss, any kind of "oddity" is enough to send you over the edge. Plus, my next appointment is the BIG ultrasound with our not-so-cuddly perinatologist who intends to pour over ever little vessel and organ for an hour. Not exactly the guy I want telling me something's horrifically wrong with our baby (flashbacks to the NT Scan last time?? yeah I thought so).

So... today I left work early and headed to an impromptu appointment with my VERY understanding OB. (Lucky for me, she's been through a miscarriage between her two kids, so she knows exactly what I'm going through not only physically but psychologically, and is completely understanding.) Since it was such short notice and Ryan couldn't get off work, my mom came with me. Even after I swore things would be fine and this would be a quick ultrasound, she reminded me what happened last time I said that and told me, "I'm coming with you." :)

And the coolest thing? She's never seen an ultrasound before! (Oh God, am I showing my age with that statement? Eeek!) So she got to see grandbaby #2 before anyone else -- his or her cute little profile, brain (two hemispheres--we'll see details Monday, but that seems like a good sign so far!), arms swinging around, and legs kicking up a storm. Not only did I feel SO much better seeing for myself that the baby was measuring right on schedule with a great heartbeat, but it was really awesome being able to share that with her. (Can I call it a day on Christmas gifts now? I mean, the gift of life... Just kidding.)

Now I can walk into that peri's office Monday with a lot more confidence that at least we're measuring on track and the baby has four limbs (sad how low your expectations become, isn't it??).

Other than that, I feel pretty good. Still tired. Still not sleeping so well (I'm always afraid to get up and pee in the middle of the night because the movement wakes the baby and then I really don't sleep well). And is it possible my ~~morning~~ evening sickness is coming back? Very strange. But I'm just happy everything seems to be going well. I can't wait to find out if we're Team Dude or Team Dudette next week!

P.S. Even though I'm feeling much more confident now, I'll still take any extra prayers and good vibes anyone has for Monday. I REALLY hope that guy searches and searches and finds nothing wrong with this bebe. :)

Today should've been a birthday

2009-11-26T09:00:00.000-06:00

It still seems completely surreal that I should've been giving birth today. It feels like so much has happened, but yet nothing has. It's odd how it can feel like time completely flew by but also like it totally stood still.

Don't get me wrong, I'm SO thankful to be pregnant and expecting a baby in May. In fact, if I weren't pregnant, this day would be a thousand times harder. I'm sure of that. But it's weird to think that we wouldn't have this baby if it hadn't been for the loss of that baby.

All the reminders of where I woulda/shoulda/coulda have now come flooding back. The way we told our families: That instead of having a turkey this year, we were going to have a baby. (Get it? Cute, right?) Talking about how I wouldn't be able to cook because I'd either be in the hospital or about to pop. Now hearing from a friend's husband with news of their Thanksgiving baby. Reading all the Facebook statuses of friends who were also due at Thanksgiving and hearing how they're "so over it" and "just ready to be done already." Seeing pictures of their nurseries as I type this in the room that would've been a finished nursery by now.

And to add to the emotions, I announced my pregnancy at work this week. Not at all intentional to coincide with this timing. It's just I wanted to get it out there since I'm really starting to show. I feel almost... heartless. Here I am celebrating and smiling the week of my lost baby's supposed birth. I know it sounds really lame, like I shouldn't feel that way at all and it's just so silly. I don't know how to explain this weird feeling. Maybe like in a way I'm cheating on that baby? Like I'm laughing and smiling at a funeral? Does that make any sense? One of my coworkers came up to congratulate me and asked, "This is your second, right?" It actually hurt, on this week of all weeks, answering "yes." Because, really, what do you say? It's totally not PC to go into the whole loss thing. But at the same time, it just feels like a completely cruel joke to say yes. Like it further invalidates the loss and maybe even pushes it further out of reality.

But on the other end of things, I do sort of feel like I need to "get over it" for this baby's sake. Instead of today being exciting with the announcement of my pregnancy, I felt that twinge of guilt. Instead of feeling like I've really passed another milestone by making it to my 17-week appointment and hearing the amazing sound of the tiny little heartbeat, I couldn't help but think this would've been my last appointment before holding a baby in my arms.

So, today, we are simultaneously sad and happy. Sad for what we lost and will always miss, but happy for what we have and excited for the future. I just have to remind myself that moving on doesn't mean forgetting.

Pregnancy: Week 17

2009-11-24T06:55:00.003-06:00

{baby's the size of an onion}

I finally had my appointment today after a month of waiting. FINALLY! Fortunately, everything's still going just swimmingly (and I've only gained a total of 4 lbs!). Unfortunately, it was the quickest appointment ever. No ultrasound, just a quick swipe of the doppler (150-ish bpm) and we were done. I also declined the Quad Screen. I feel sort of weird about that, like I should have thought it over longer. But really, if something's "wrong," won't the perinatologist see it during our 1-1.5 hour long ultrasound in two weeks? Plus, the possibility of false positives freaked me out enough to decline (just like the NT scan). But, I think we'll be just fine.

Lately, the baby's been kicking up a storm. I'm pretty sure he/she knows I called it "lazy" awhile back, so I'll be paying for that in the next few months. Right now it's just cute little kicks to the bladder and silly little pokes to my spine. By April? Probably won't be so cute.

Speaking of those kicks... they have been SO low. Like creepy low. Like I'm-afraid-to-look-down-and-see-a-foot low. So, of course, crazy patient that I am, it was on my list of questions (yes, even second-time moms have lists of questions... could be that I'm a wee bit paranoid of course... but trust me, I'm so much better than I was! Sad but true, people). But my doctor assures me no baby will be slipping out anytime soon, and apparently he/she is supposed to be this low right now. Mmmkay. I'm also convinced he/she is not head-down as all the books and pictures show, which would explain all the uber low kicks. I guess we'll see.

And last but not least, I "came out" today at work. You know, so the gossip whores can stop trying to figure out if I'm just putting on early holiday weight or if I'm into some sort of sad pregnancy denial ritual.

Pregnancy: Week 16

2009-11-19T18:41:00.000-06:00

{baby's the size of an avocado}

Not much to report this week. Just waiting for my appointment Monday. I'm still really tired, but feeling fine otherwise.

Say what?

2009-11-17T19:27:00.001-06:00

No, my child's not hearing impaired. And no, she's not perfecting the art of selective hearing. Apparently it's that giant hunk of earwax getting in the way. Super awesome.

Here's the deal. Sometime around Saturday morning (4:45 a.m.), Avery woke up with a raging fever and a pukey mess. We totally freaked out, got her water, a cool rag and Motrin. Oh, and she said her neck hurt. Cue crazy mom screaming something about "ohmygodsheshavingaseizure!"

But, she was fine and went back to bed. Woke up just fine, ate her usual, acted her usual, etc. But the pesky fever was still here. More Motrin ensued and we debated whether we were going to make the trip to Indiana for a baptism we'd been planning on. I was worried whatever she had might be contagious and we'd infect the wee one. But the fever seemed to be going down about the time we planned on leaving, and she was acting perfectly fine (dancing around in circles and "signing" at the top of her lungs for the past 3 hours). So we went.

We fought that fever all weekend, but by Monday morning when she woke up with a fever of 102.9, we knew we had to take her to the doctor. And, that's where they declared us the best parents ever.

The doctor checked her throat, fine. Checked her breathing, fine. Eyes, nose? Fine. Time to check the ears. "Holy earwax!" the doctor screamed. Ok, not really, but I'm 99.9% sure that's what he was thinking. Oh, and probably, "Do these people ever bathe this child??" Sweet.

He had to get out a special sterile water bottle thingy, squirt that into her ear to make all the nasty goop fall out, and THEN proceed to check her ear and say, "Yep, that's the start to an ear infection."

Well, at least she's on antibiotics now and on the mend. But OMG, the horror and embarrassment of what appears to be a hobo-like hygiene problem on your child. UGH. But seriously, if you're not supposed to jam the Q-Tip into a kid's ear since that only pushes the gunk in, how are you supposed to clean it?! Excuse me while I go hang my "major award"...

Pregnancy: Week 15

2009-11-13T07:00:00.001-06:00

{baby's the size of an orange}

This week has been pretty cool because ... I'm pretty sure I'm feeling him/her move!

Such an awesome/creepy feeling. Awesome when I just sit back and enjoy it instead of overthinking it... creepy when I actually think about little Skeletor in there jabbing away at me. Of course, I still have an image of a 12-week-old fetus stuck in my head. By now, apparently the kid's the size of a whole orange, which is much more baby-like, wouldn't you say?

Honestly though, feeling the baby move is helping keep me sane while I ~~not-so-~~patiently wait for my next appointment. Although, if I go in for my next appointment and find out something's horribly wrong and all those "feelings" I've been having are just gas, I may just lose my mind. Because nothing trumps devistation like devistation + dumbassness.

Other exciting milestones this week? According to What to Expect When You're Expcecting, "his/her ears are positioned properly on the sides of the head (they used to be in the neck), and the eyes are moving from the side of the head to the front of the face." Um, eww, and yay. If I get another ultrasound at my next appointment, this kid might actually be starting to look like, well, a kid! No more alien-like skeletor. That was cool at Halloween, but...

I also FINALLY gave in and got the H1N1 vaccine. I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm smart enough to know this isn't just media/government hype. It's real, people are dying from it, and I'm of no help to this baby as a dead mom. So, against lots of my better judgement and with no concrete evidence that the vaccine won't cause my kid to pop out with three heads, I got it. And while I have no clue what it's doing to my insides, I have to say it was MUCH less painful than the damn seasonal flu shot. So yay for that.

Brain fart

2009-11-12T17:10:00.001-06:00

Everyone knows about "pregnancy brain." Every poor pregnant woman goes through it, some more than others. I was actually doing pretty well {except for that one instance of trying to start the car with my phone and putting the keys in my ear} but I think it's officially caught up with me now. Life has turned into one giant brain fart.

Among other "senior moments," this latest one has me completely losing my mind. Monday after work, Avery and I stopped over to visit my parents. I took off my coat, helped Avery with hers and hung my purse on one of the kitchen chairs. When it was time to go, I remember helping Avery get her coat on. I clearly remember grabbing my purse. And we headed home.

But the next morning as I headed off to work, I couldn’t find my coat in the hall closet. I checked the couch (where I all-too-often drop ~~bags, school papers, mail,~~ my coat), the coat rack in the mud room, my car … nada. I stood there scratching my head, but figured it was dark, I was probably staring right at it, and I’d find it in the most obvious place when I got home.

Um, no. It’s been four days, and still no sign of my coat.

Until just now. I just hung up Avery's coat {apparently for the first time in four days} in the hall closet on the "kid" side {Avery has her side; we have the other}. Guess what was hanging on the kid side {on a kid hanger no less}? Yeah. WOW. I'm special.

Figuring out this thing called focus

2009-11-03T18:05:00.001-06:00

Last week, I managed to get home at a reasonable time and -- shock of all shocks -- the weather was AMAZING. We don't get many evenings like this in Wisconsin at the end of October, so I grabbed my camera, grabbed the kid, grabbed some candy (for her, not me...I swear) and headed to the backyard.

I'm still trying to figure out how to use my camera to its fullest potential (it has tons...me? i'm not so sure). Every time I think I know what I'm doing, I find out I soooo don't. Like focus.

A photographer I know from the area was kind enough to meet with me to do a sort of "tag along" experience for a few hours last winter. It was awesome and totally eye opening. But some of the things I thought she said/meant, I clearly interpretted incorrectly. When she told me to focus on the subject then recompose to get a more interesting shot, I thought that meant I could zoom in on say, the kid's eyes, then pull back and recompose the shot. Um, no. I've since learned that when you do that you change your depth of field because the distance the lens was from the subject has since changed, and will ultimately give you an out of focus shot. Duh.

So, this is something I'm really struggling with -- getting eyes nice and crisp, but still getting an interesting shot. AND I'm trying to shoot in manual. I figure, someday I'll thank...me. Or something. But maybe I should stick to aperture priority and keep things easy for awhile? I don't know...

In the meantime, I'm actually sort of proud of the shots I got. And I think it's good that I can look at them and see where I need to improve (but still like the photos at the same time). Really, it was just nice that Avery cooperated for 15 whole minutes. :)

I think this one's cute, but it's the least technically correct shot. Seems her right eye's in focus but not the left one, and her mouth is a bit blurred. Meh...

Pregnancy: Week 14

2009-11-01T20:24:00.001-06:00

{baby's the size of a lemon}

It sounds totally cheesy, but it felt like such a milestone to move to the next chapter in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" this week. When you're not sure you'll actually get to a certain point, it feels really amazing to literally turn the page and move to the next phase. (Yes, it's odd that I technically already know what to "expect" since I have Avery, and yes, I think the book kind of sucks, BUT it's at least some sort of refresher considering I feel like I went through this whole pregnancy process eons ago. I mean, it was 4 years ago. Some people pop kids out every 9 months on the dot. Me, not so much.)

Another milestone? I think I officially have a belly. One of my coworkers (one of the two that know) asked me today, "So when are you going to tell everyone else?!" I walked over to her desk, did the side-profile thing and asked, "Why??" LOL. It's already sort of become one of those "who does she think she's fooling" situations. Ah well. I'm just not ready to go announcing it yet. I'm sure that's weird, but I don't care. I'll fill people in after Thanksgiving. That'll leave me with only about 20 weeks of people stopping by my desk asking, "You're STILL here??" Puke.

Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good. :)

Pregnancy: Week 13

2009-10-27T20:21:00.000-05:00

{baby's the size of a peach}

Monday we had yet another appointment. Baby looked good, twitched a few times (I swear, this baby is LAZY! This is only the second time we've seen him/her move...and by "move" I mean maybe lift a finger.), and we got to hear the heartbeat! Still in the 150s-160s. Since everything looks good and I'm officially in the 2nd trimester, my doctor said she doesn't need to see me again until 17 weeks. Eeek! But I trust her, and after 6 ultrasounds that showed everything looked as good as possible, it really does seem like overkill to keep coming every other week.

My morning/evening sickness seems to be gone, but it's since been replaced with headaches. The kind that will NOT go away, and last for a week at a time. Super fun. I remember having headaches around Thanksgiving when I was pregnant with Avery, so I guess this is normal for me. Oh well. Something that isn't normal for me though, but completely welcome, is that I still have yet to gain any weight. VERY strange considering I had gained 7 lbs by this time with Avery, and 5 lbs during my last pregnancy. But I'm sure I'll pack it on at some point and totally make up for lost time later on. ;)

This weekend, I officially packed away most of my "regular" clothes and washed and organized all of my maternity stuff. It works out pretty well that I'm pregnant at the same time I was with Avery, because I have all the right stuff for each season! Yep, that's me...totally planned that.

Another step in the right direction? I've started thinking about the nursery. It still feels a little scary and I haven't done anything yet, but I figured I needed to allow myself some more positive thinking. I'm DYING to get started on the design, but I'm trying to take things slow. Still plenty of time. :)

You should see the other guy

2009-10-24T09:53:00.000-05:00

Only the other "guy" was a girl. And really it was her car that you'd need to see.

You see, apparently every time I announce a pregnancy, all hell breaks loose. (Seriously, whoever has the voodoo doll, step away from the blog. Thanks.)

Thursday after work, my dad and I were driving home. We're on the freeway in the stop and go traffic (as usual, only it was drizzling--the same drizzle we'd had for like 3 days straight) just yapping away. All of a sudden out of no where, BAM! I screamed and did the whole "girly hands over your head thing." We were rear ended.

I've only been in one accident (thank God) and I saw it coming (some chick pulled out in front of me when we lived in Chicago). It was scary, but like I said, I saw it coming so I was a bit more prepared. Getting rear ended pretty much sucks. Especially when you're stopped at 0 mph and the chick behind you plows in at probably 20-25 mph.

I immediately called 911 (who, by the way, took their sweet time answering). They asked if anyone was hurt. I told him my dad's back hurt, and then like a lightbulb went off, I said, "Oh yeah, and I'm pregnant." Crap.

Once the ambulance and cops arrived, I called my OB to see if she could fit me in and check to see if everything was ok. She wasn't there. Great. I asked if anyone else could see me. They told me they closed at 5. It was 4:40. Finally, I threw out the miscarriage card saying this is the same time I miscarried last time and was already nervous. Add a freeway accident to the mix, and I was a psychotic pregnant chick. It worked. She said to get there as soon as possible and the doctor would be waiting.

Luckily, everything seemed ok. The baby had a strong heartbeat, was measuring a day ahead, and the doctor felt confident everything was fine. I'm still nervous, but I have another appointment Monday morning. If all is good then, I think I'll be able to relax a bit.

Yikes. Seems like it's time for me to start living in that bubble. Seriously, do they make a giant puffy hamster-like wheel for uber cautious pregnant chicks?? Cuz that'd be great.

Oh, and for those interested about the chick's car? It was totaled and had to be towed from the scene. We were VERY lucky. And so in need of some VERY drama-free days.